The Party of "me first"

Another McDreamy Democrat... caught with hand in cookie jar. -- WASHINGTON -- A second House Democrat, Rep. Maxine Waters of California, could face an ethics trial this fall, further complicating the election outlook for the party as it battles to retain its majority.New York Democrat Rep. Charles Rangel also faces an ethics trial this fall on charges that include failure to disclose assets and...

Remember when you were a kid...

...and engineering mass-murder was an event worthy of public, taxpayer-subsidised celebration? -- Yeah... me neither. --Shareef Abdelhaleem was found guilty earlier this year of two terrorism-related charges in connection with the Toronto 18 plot to bomb downtown Toronto. Following his conviction, Abdelhaleem told court if he ever learned of another terrorist plot, he would sit back and let it...

And on this weeks episode of W5...

Lloyd Robertson will crush kittens in a vice to embroider an investigative report on animal cruelty...“Why are you so sure how your son died?” a CTV Newsnet host asked Avril Stachnik on Tuesday night. “I’m so sorry to have to ask you these questions.” The host then said the situation was "forced upon them" by WikiLeak’s online release of documents, one of which erroneously described the deaths of...

DATELINE TORONTO:

...man shot in head... must be Friday...A man in his 20s has been rushed to hospital in life-threatening condition after being shot in the head on Friday at around 3 p.m.The man was shot in the vicinity of 1890 Sheppard Ave. W. near Jane St.Curiously... yet again... not a peep from Mayor Miller's office... on which gun club the shooter belonged to.And, hey... here's a Toronto travel tip... try to...

Enough fiddling, says Sarkozy

Fresh on the heels of their "burqa ban"... the Empire continues to strike back... -- PARIS, July 30 (Reuters) -- President Nicolas Sarkozy said on Friday he wanted to strip French nationality from anyone of foreign origin who threatened the life of a police officer, in a crackdown after riots shook two French towns this month.Speaking in Grenoble, where street violence erupted in mid-July after...

Get well, Iggy...

Liberal handlers call in neurosurgeons as speculation mounts... a small stroke... early-onset Alzheimers? -- DUNNVILLE CHRONICLE -- "Born here. Educated here. Had a publicly-funded education here that gave me my start." -- Ah, Michael... easy now, deep breaths buddy... how many fingers am I holding...

Or, we could just put up some pictures...

...of Mounties arresting people...

Meet the man who has his finger...

...on the Iranian nuclear trigger...Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has criticized Paul the octopus, who gained fame by correctly predicting the outcome of eight World Cup matches.The Iranian leader called Paul a symbol of decadence and decay in the Western world.Oh-oh, Mahmoud... fucking with the United Nations is one thing... now you're messing with PE...

Seriously... we sent this one back...

...to the Supreme Court of Canada... 'cos... and I'm just spitballin' here... they had me, back at "severed head in a bucket."I'm with ol' Bill Shakespeare... the first thing we do... is hang all the lawyers.**********UPDATE: Supremes go 9-Zip againstIn his concurring reasons, written on behalf of...

So, if somebody shows up...

...with credentials from the University of Lower Slobbovia... we just accept that too? “It certainly strikes me as ridiculous and a bit ludicrous,” Dr. Landreth said. “The irony of someone who’s immigrating to Canada to teach English being asked to take an English test is probably not lost on most people.”What's ridiculous is a tenure-track professor... who claims to want to live & work in this...

Man of Dawg

Looks like the, er... good name... of religion takes another beating... -- LONDON -- Rev Alex Brown, 61, presided over 360 fake ceremonies over four years, including several cases in which participants cancelled one wedding only to marry someone else a month or two later, and another in which a person was registered to marry two people on the same day.Brown’s co-defendant Vladymyr Buchak, 33,...

Just another deadly, boring day...

...at the office, huh... cheer up, Bobo... I can fix that for you...

Ever wonder where the expression...

..."butthead" comes from...

Live and don't learn...

...that's us... -- TORONTO -- Court heard then he had breached two previous court orders banning him from having a firearm, one for 10 years, and the second for life. He was then handed another lifetime ban from having a firearm."He has plans, he says, to lead a better life and move in with his grandmother in a better area of the city."Surprisingly... no word yet from Mayor Miller's office......

The other T.I.F.F.

The Toronto International Fugitive Featherbed...Mohamed Abdi Mahad was captured by police after the suspect fled the U.K. following the bludgeoning murder of Mohammed Musa Mahoud, 22, a postal worker who had recently married.Mooney said he doesn't believe the suspect was working.He also believes the suspect has been in Canada since 2003, shortly after the murder, but Mooney said he had no information...

A trucker smoking in his cab, pitbulls...

...not to mention free speech... and in the end... my guns have still killed fewer people... than Michael Bryant's c...

In other "eco-ponzi scheme" news...

GM and Nissan are relying on a $7,500 federal tax credit for buyers of electric vehicles to offset some of the added cost, and they're hoping that the allure of their novel power source will make up the rest.Hey, stop worrying... it's the government... they'll take care of ...

When torquing headlines isn't enough

Innovators like the Globe & Mail just find a really scary picture from an old science fiction movie...**********UPDATE: Tests are suspen...

C'mon now, if Peter Mansbridge...

...publicly peed his compassionate, intellectual britches... that's good enough for me..."I haven't gone through them myself, but I do know the news of Pakistan's divided loyalties left me profoundly unshaken."You have to ask yourself... why exactly do the talking heads at CBC & CTV have to pretend these are shocking revelations?By then – and this was four years ago, remember – Mr. Alexander told...

More G&M (cough, cough) journalism

Liberal war room finally manages to get Ignatieff to put down the Gray Poupon...Oh gawd... I hear the flesh on his fingertips sizzling.My guess is... Iggy's still puzzling over why his headgear doesn't have any jewels set into it.**********FROM THE COMMENTS:"Harper in hiding?? Only the G&M would...

Having the Supreme Being on your side...

...priceless...

Daltonomics

Scratch a fiberal... find an irresponsible poseur...The prospect of a 24-per-cent return on investment should elicit attention. The prospect of such a rate guaranteed by government for 20 years should set off alarm bells.The virtue of solar power alone cannot justify government guarantees of outrageous rates of return.Don't look at me folks... I didn't vote for him.**********FROM THE COMMENTS:"Funny,...

Let's stuff a million or so...

... amped-up people into a confined area... what could possibly go wrong? -- DUISBURG -- Chancellor Angela Merkel expressed shock at the "horrible, sad" turn of events and said everything must be done to ensure such tragedies don't repeat themselves."I think we need an intense investigation now into how this happened," she said Sunday in Bayreuth, where she was attending the opening of the yearly...

Calgary Liberal candidate launches...

..."Operation Sink Iggy"...A spokesman for Ignatieff says the Liberals have the utmost respect for the Calgary police department and the work they do.“We do not believe that the Calgary police department is racist, period."Stand by for further Liberal press releases... on gravity holding shit do...

Of course, that's discounting...

...the possibility... the McDreamy Whitehouse could just bend over and grab their ankles...Michael Hayden, a CIA chief under President George W. Bush, said that during his tenure "a strike was way down the list of options." But he tells CNN's State of the Union that such action now "seems inexorable."**********RELATED: Canada tightens the scr...

What's a little homicidal treachery...

...between friends...This month, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, in one of the frequent visits by American officials to Islamabad, announced $500 million in assistance and called the United States and Pakistan “partners joined in common cause.”I guess... you've got nukes... everybody kisses your patoot...

The rarified world of power politics...

...every bit as grubby & sleazy as you imagined...Sneed hears real estate mogul Neil Bluhm is tossing a private birthday party here for President Obama, who turns 49 on Aug. 4.The shocker: The dinner invite to the Barack bash at Bluhm's home requires a $30,000 donation to the Democratic National Committee!**********RELATED: Liar, liarCorrespondence obtained by The Sunday Times reveals the Obama...

C'mon... it's not like he had a choice...

...it was a freakin' gen...

Doctors are cautiously optimistic...

...they may eventually be able to unpucker his rectum..."All I can tell you is he's alive," said Lieutenant (Navy) David Lavallee, an air force spokesm...

Looks like the Dems are losing faith...

...in President McDreamy's theory of "trickle-up economics"...A small but growing chorus of Capitol Hill Democrats say they support delaying a scheduled expiration of Bush-era tax cuts on wealthier Americans, bucking the Obama administration's desire to shield only middle-income earners from a tax increase.Hmmm... funny how that works.**********FROM THE COMMENTS:"Would anyone care to estimate the...

Well General Apps...

..."Mission Accomplished"...“The true magic of politics is in defying the predictable narrative with a performance and persona that delights and, above all, inspires.” -- Wait... you've got another mystery candidate waiting in the win...

Hope is cheap, Comrade...

...knock yourself out..."One hopes, then, that Duncan’s words today will find a more receptive audience than did Rae’s social contract pitch 17 years ago." -- Geez, Dwight... a million here... 81 million there... pretty soon you're talkin' serious cabbage.**********The compassionate, intellectual left replies...I have never threatened your family, however you have threatened to shoot me, and you...

Oh, gawd...

...I just peed myself...

First... they declared war on society...

...now they're eating each other up...Maybe, just maybe... it's time to get serious with violent criminals.Here's a thought... take away their smokes, their computers, their weight piles & visitors... and make these assholes earn them back an inch at a time. Anybody who doesn't get with the program...

Who ya gonna trust on this one, huh?

An ex-pat university professor turned opportunistic politician, or... wait a minute... -- OTTAWA -- The F-35 stealth jet is an "excellent" plane and Canada should be buying more of them, Liberal Senator and retired general Romeo Dallaire says.Another couple of the party faithful plant the flag......

Damn, I'm good... says I

"I have no idea how I ended up on the list," said one participant who asked not to be identified.**********FROM THE CNEWS COMMENTS:**********MRS NEO WONDERS:"I wonder what the methodology is... for examining yourself for bia...

Actually, Savannah...

...your amazing pal was just a hair away from killing four of his friends... and he might still end up being an organ donor..."He's a crazy, fun, athletic, smart and outgoing kid," Savannah Somers said. -- You know what... I'll give you crazy... but's let give credit where credit is due. It's the...

Go ahead, Lloyd... gimme another one...

...of those inane non-stories about "unbearable stress" in the carpeted air-conditioned workplace... I dare you...He hadn't been in Afghanistan long, but Sapper Brian Collier had already earned a reputation as a competent combat engineer, survived a blast from an improvised explosive device and beat...

And Bob Rae wept

Apparently, Toronto's loss could, well... be Ottawa's loss too...The Toronto Star, which can be relied to support McGuinty if he runs for federal leader, said he impressed by his understanding of this long-running international issue and may find it difficult to settle down as premier after experiencing politics on a bigger stage.And don't just take the word of the country's largest socialist cheering...

My best guess is...

...we don't have a proportionally correct number of aboriginal astronauts or neurosurgeons either... are we gonna be applying affirmative action to those programs too? -- OTTAWA -- While surfing on the federal government job website, Landriault says she found a position at Citizenship and Immigration Canada she felt she was qualified for but was blocked from submitting her resume because she was...

Mixed, muddy messages...

...your MSM in action..."'Violent crimes also declined, but to a lesser extent than overall crime', Statscan said."But wait... what's this?"Some types of violent crimes increased, including attempted murders, extortion, firearms offences and criminal harassment."But hey, don't you fret..."Youth crime fell slightly in 2009."Again... there's one small caveat..."However, both the youth crime rate and...

It's true...

...things can always be worse...Life, as Nabokov remarked somewhere, marshalls ironies with a more lavish hand than the wildest fictions. Good thing the adjoining café wasn’t called Layton’s Fish ‘n Chi...

Why they call it war...

...and not "circle of friends."**********RELATED: Purely politicsSemrau is almost universally acclaimed as an honourable man and a model soldier. The system seems to have acted as fairly as it knew how, but it is a pity that he should have been the one caught in this vise.Hey... maybe he should have...

Vote of confidence

-- July 19 (Bloomberg) -- Foreigners bought a record net C$23.2 billion of Canadian securities in May, led by federal government bonds.The investment was led by a record C$11.5 billion of federal government securities, almost double the previous record of C$6.75 billion in January.Sure... go ahead...

Gotta have priorities I guess

So... how many billions of dollars is Dalton throwing at solar panels and giant fans?For the second year running, more than a third of Ontario hospitals are bleeding red ink, amounting to a $107 million shortfall.There is concern that while the number of cash-strapped hospitals remained steady, it may be a different story in 2011 due to shrinking provincial funds.Ontario hospitals received a 2.1 per...

Oh, c'mon Mikey...

...I could probably write a book about all the stuff you'd "support"... if you thought it would get you elected Prime Minister...Liberal Leader Michael Ignatieff says he'd support a pardon for Riel if it would start healing Canada's relationship with the Metis."The execution of Louis Riel shouldn't...

MSM torqued headline of the week

Seems they missed just one little detail.And while we're on blatant media bias......where was the Washington Post?Early last year, just before the Bush administration left office, the Justice Department filed a voter-intimidation lawsuit against the men, the New Black Panther Party and its chairman....

An administrative slap on the wrist?

No wonder people don't take Canada seriously...In a letter sent to the organization, the agency says the society failed to maintain control over its use of funds, improperly issued tax receipts on behalf of third parties and provided funding to people outside Canada who were not entitled to a donation.Where are the criminal charges for aiding & abetting a terrorist group?This funding included...

Maybe they oughta rename it...

...the Midnight Express. -- BARRIE, Ont. -- Liberal Leader Michael Ignatieff's cross-Canada tour hit some more speed bumps on the weekend, the result of some less-than-desirable local candidates.Undesirables... in the natural governing party?Say it isn't ...

Hey David... just watch us

Hang on... who exactly is pullin' for poor little Om...

Officer Bubbles, huh?

I'm guessin' nobody says that... to his fa...

Mayor's office, once again scrambling...

...to determine which gun club they belonged to...A man in his twenties is dead after a shooting in the Sheppard Ave. E. and McCowan Rd. area late Friday.Police arrived around 11:30 p.m. in the vicinity of 360 Pitfield Rd., where they located two men suffering from gunshot wounds. One died at the scene.Paging David Miller... hey, yer honour... I thought you had this one solved.**********UPDATE: Latest...

In other "blood from a stone" news

-- TORONTO -- Eco fees may be just the beginning.The Dalton McGuinty government has encouraged its ministries to pursue new fees to stay on budget and to pay for additional programs, according to a 2010-11 Results-Based Planning document obtained by QMI Agency. Shades of Bob Rae!!!How do you like...

So, Michael... that coronation thing...

...how's that workin' out for y...

Remember all those "green jobs"...

...Dalton promised to Ontarians...On July 2, the authority quietly announced the rate being paid to some producers would be slashed from 80.2 cents to 58.8 cents per kilowatt hour.Energy Minister Brad Duguid said microFIT would have become unsustainable if the original price structure had been maintained.Hmmm... sure didn't stop them from selling the shit outta this boondoggle back when, huh?That's...

Something to remember the next time...

...CTV mounts a campaign to have you send in your gushy stories about one of the retiring journalistic "icons" on their payroll...Then we went live to air and this man, earning probably more than $250,000 a year, read out what his producer had written word for word. It could have been anything at all. And, frankly, if I’d replied to some question about war casualities with “My leg is made of cheese”...

Once again, apparently... plenty of warning

Does this mean... this time... we're gonna stop them and turn them around? -- OBSERVER -- A ship suspected of being connected to the Tamil Tigers and carrying as many as 300 migrants has weighed anchor and set a course for Canada, according to reports in the Sri Lankan media.The Sunday Observer, a Colombo newspaper, reports that the MV Sun Sea, formerly known as the Harin Panich 19, is carrying...

Ignattyites loudly trumpet decision to flip...

...but they're certainly not ruling out flop...The Liberals have boldly announced that if they win office, they would “put a stop” to plans to issue an untendered, $16-billion contract for a new fleet of fighter jets – but then conceded that after they review the deal, they might decide a sole-source contract is necessary.Or, as it's called in the Liberal War-Room... Thursd...

Funny how the Great Karmic Wheel...

...has an unerring feel for which path it should take...For Joy Wellington, whose son Omar was brutally murdered in Flemingdon Park four years ago, the timing of the city’s latest shooting couldn’t have been worse.Hearing of the shooting of a 19-year-old man was painful enough, but knowing the victim — now lingering on life support in Sunnybrook hospital — was one of the young men convicted in connection...

Sometimes...

...you do what you can...Under the Currency Act, nobody is obliged to accept more than 25 pennies as payment for any product or service. Normand Czepial, unfortunately, was 213,600 over the lim...

Hey, USA... is it getting any clearer?

Maybe altering the corporate structure of America... based on old "West Wing" scripts... isn't really the smartest way to proceed...The financial reform bill expected to clear Congress this week is chock-full of provisions that have little to do with the financial crisis but cater to the long-standing agendas of labor unions and other Democratic interest groups.Principal among them is a measure to...

Chalk up another one for that...

..."broad-strata" daughter strangling phenomena... -- CALGARY -- Aset Magomadova will not go to jail for strangling her teenage daughter with a head scarf at their northeast Calgary home more than three years ago, a Queen Bench's justice ruled on Thursday. Justice Sal LoVecchio gave Magomadova a suspended sentence Thursday with three years of probation, for killing Aminat, 14, on Feb. 26, 2007....

It's like they teach at Law School...

...never ask a question, you don't already know the answer to...'Cos I gotta tell ya, Mikey... there are some dogs that shouldn't ever leave the backyard.RELATED: Uh, Mikey, you think......I could bunk down at your extra chateau in France?...Reader Rich's head explodes..."Note to Iggy -- if the...

Raindrops on roses & whiskers on kittens...

Bright copper kettles & warm woolen mittens... -- NEW YORK, July 14 (Reuters) -- Americans armed themselves to the teeth and paid through the nose to have a smoke, according to a U.S. government report released on Wednesday.Sounds like folks are gettin' a little nervo...

With headshots like this...

...who needs enemies...The grinch who stole... uh... cheese.**********FROM THE COMMENTS:"Even the algae eaters smell blood in the water."Run Iggy, r...

Bright lights, big city...

..."You talkin' to me, punk?" -- TORONTO -- A 37-year-old man collapsed and died in Scarborough early Wednesday from an apparent stab wound.In a separate case homicide detectives are monitoring, a 19-year-old man was found shot on Grenoble Dr., in the Don Mills Rd. area at 11 p.m. Tuesday.C'mon folks... there's still time to get o...

Occam's Dumbass

Yeah... who could have possibly seen that coming..."The U.S. Department of Transportation has analyzed dozens of data recorders from Toyota Motor Corp. vehicles involved in accidents blamed on sudden acceleration and found that the throttles were wide open and the brakes weren't engaged at the time of the crash."Not that that stopped anybody.Where there's a personal liability lawyer... there's a...

Be careful what you wish for...

...'cos you just might get it all...Democratic self-deprecation isn’t quite as funny as it once was. Mobs have already taken to the venerable, iconic streets of European states, notably among them Greece, birthplace of Athenian democracy. It’s apparently easier to give wealth away than it is to take it back. Democracy assembled the welfare state peaceably enough. Can democracy dismantle it as peaceably?...

Okay, my friends... enough equivocating...

...just tell us how you really feel...In Tuesday's vote at the National Assembly, there were 335 votes for the bill and just one against it. Most members of the main opposition group, the Socialist Party, walked out and refused to vote, though they in fact support a ban.Ooh-la-...

Christmas comes early to Ottawa...

...yes, Virginia... there is a t-shirt...Meanwhile, south of the 49th... in other "down the crapper" news...The new survey, conducted jointly by the Washington Post and ABC News, says nearly six in 10 voters say they lack faith in the president's ability to lead the nation. The poll also shows that...

Like they say on CSI...

"...it obviously wasn't his first time around the block..."Doesn’t “playing hardball” apply to things like salary negotiations and political dealmaking — not forcing yourself on a woman at a party?Dammit Al, you're right... it is getting warm...

Now that's weird...

...none of the Canadian media ever use the not-so-cute pictures that show the AK-47... or the parts to make an IED...That must mean Omar's one special "Canadian", huh?Khadr is one of about 1,000 Canadians being held in foreign jails at any one time. Some are real criminals. And some, like Huseyin Celil,...

More clear & imminent consequences...

...of global warming..."If it had been warmer and Fatso was more alert, we would have been dealing with a fatality."The man staggered back to the pub bleeding heavily.The horr...

Just something to think about...

...the next time you're stranded in an Ontario hospital emergency room for six hours...The actions of failed refugee claimant and accused murderer William Imona-Russel cost Ontario taxpayers more than $2 million — and one hard-working innocent woman her life.The 36-year-old Nigerian was facing a deportation order at the time of his arrest. Imona-Russel, who came to Canada in 2003 on a false passport,...

To the moon, Alice... er, Charles!!!

McDreamy administration backstrokin' like an epileptic manatee...White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said Monday that NASA Administrator Charles Bolden must have misspoken when he told Al Jazeera last month that one of his top priorities is to reach out to Muslim countries. "That was not his task and that's not the task of NASA."Of course, Robert... I mean, that's certainly the kind of mistake...