And yet, I'm not...

...not even a little...

"You'd be surprised how many of them are vegan."

Two words... Prince... Charles...

So, it seems the Liberal Party of Canada is officially endorsing eugenics. In that case, shouldn't Deborah Coyne's daughter get the nod for possible future finance minister?

"He will be forced to give up what some have called his “no-policy policy” and explain to Canadians what he stands for and what he would do if elected prime minister in 2015."

Oh, c'mon... who needs policy if you've got the "royal jelly."

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RELATED: If he doesn't get in as PM...

...he can make a fortune selling sperm to gullible lefty groupies...

"Another video talks up Harper’s economic record while poking fun at Trudeau’s past jobs as a camp counsellor, rafting instructor and drama teacher, adding, 'and now he thinks he can run Canada’s economy.'"

All a successful Liberal needs is... a famous daddy.

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COMPASSIONATE, INTELLECTUAL LEFT REPLIES:

JUSTIN! JUSTIN! JUSTIN! JUSTIN!

Wanna stop a Liberal fanboy/fangirl dead in their tracks? Ask them to tell you the one thing they admire most about the Shiny Pony.

Okay... let's raise some "awareness"

Unless I misunderstand the wildly popular if somewhat shopworn process... all we need now is for someone to jog across the country whilst parading their "green eggs & ham"...

Grand ol' lady of Canadian journalism...

...yet again... never afraid to ask the really, really hard questions...
Uh-huh... because gawd forbid anybody actually delve into an issue, for example, that is actually burning parts of London to the ground...

"Was any of this ever mentioned in their presentation? Of course not. Just like the news about the Tottenham riots doesn’t mention race either."

No, no, no... I don't wanna hear any of that.

More Pippa... pretty please.

**********

UPDATE: Body count rises

"A murder investigation has been launched after three people were killed in Birmingham while apparently trying to protect their homes from rioters."

And, once again, ...the Globe gets straight to the heart of the matter...
Yes... of course... that's the real problem... citizens defending their families & homes.

Or, as they're known in media circles... "vigilantes".

I don't even wanna imagine...

...what you have to do for extra credit...

"Sticks and stones may break your bones, but watching naked people on stage doing pleasurable things will never hurt you."

Think it couldn't happen here?

Think again.

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FROM THE COMMENTS:

"No wonder parody is dead, modern society is such a target rich environment."

Dear Globe & Mail... I anxiously await...

...your followup article about plastic strap-on penises...

One of her biggest-selling novels, Frost Fair, is set in 1814 and tells the story of Gideon Frost, a printer and covert part-time prostitute who carries on a secret affair with a wealthy ruffian named Joshua Redfern.

What women want, huh?

Sure doesn't sound like any of the women I know.

**********

QOTW: Shit... now there's coffee all over everything

"Old and Frail" news articles that will never be written:

"Newspaper ink linked to rectal cancer"

**********

THANK YOU COMMENT MODERATION:

Wow... this one really set poor Nonny spinning. Unfortunately, despite the half dozen frothing, incoherent rants... I was unable to determine which issue really yanked his crank. Gay romance novels... plastic sex toys... the institution of marriage... or just women in general?

I guess some things will have to remain a mystery.

Well, it's true... she does have a point

Decades later... you're still married to a guy who'd poke a water buffalo when you weren't looking... you're bound to know a thing or two about forgiveness.

Make that... a thing or three.

Ask a sophisticated, metrosexual...

...Globe & Mail reader...Yikers... all I have to say is... "Be careful what you wish for."
**********

RELATED: In other "where's the Viagra" news

Michael Ignatieff is reversing his support for a wide range of enhancements to Employment Insurance benefits, saying they are too expensive and are no longer required.

The Liberal Leader attempted to provoke a federal election around this time last year over some of the very reforms that are coming to a vote Wednesday in the House of Commons, but he now says he no longer supports them.

Yeah... floppy... that's what I look for in a leader.

Coming soon... to a neighbourhood...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Party of "me first"

Another McDreamy Democrat... caught with hand in cookie jar.

-- WASHINGTON -- A second House Democrat, Rep. Maxine Waters of California, could face an ethics trial this fall, further complicating the election outlook for the party as it battles to retain its majority.

New York Democrat Rep. Charles Rangel also faces an ethics trial this fall on charges that include failure to disclose assets and income, nonpayment of taxes and doing legislative favors for donors to a college center named after him.

Hope, change and... same-old, same, old.

Betraying the Badge

If you can't trust a brother officer... who exactly can you trust?

A Toronto Police officer is charged with stealing from a fellow cop.

Const. Ganesh Balaganthan, 38, is charged with two counts of theft under $5,000, two counts of possession of property obtained by crime, careless storage of ammunition and two counts of careless storage of a prohibited weapon.

Well... maybe this guy was just really needy... wait a minute...

Records show Balaganthan earned more than $100,000 in police salary last year.

Now that's just sad.

Perhaps the question should be...

"Do I actually want my eight year-old child... to be learning the, uh... 'ins & outs'... of anal sex?"

"Nightmare on Pennsylvania Ave"...

..."The Cha-ching-ining"...

Campaign contributions from Goldman Sachs employees to President Obama are nearly seven times as much as President Bush received from Enron workers, according to numbers on OpenSecrets.org.

Help me out here, people... Bush was "bought & paid for"... but President Mcdreamy is ?

Belleville City Council decides to...

...lubricate & stimulate... the, er... economy...

A former strip club in the city's east end may get a second lease on life thanks to a decision made by council regarding the municipality's adult entertainment bylaw pending provincial licensing approval.

Prior to discussing the bylaw, however, council heard from brothers Carlos and Robert Moniz, current owners of Doc's Palace. The pair told council they recently signed a lease with a Russian businessman who has plans of renovating and reopening the Station Street location.

Apparently... you can never have too many strippers.

*

"Sir, I want you to..."

"...step outta the car and put your hands... eeeeeeeeeuwwwww...."

-- PORT HOPE, Ont. -- Ontario Provincial Police say a driver who was pulled over for speeding on the weekend was watching an adult film at the time.

Police say they pulled over the car on Hwy. 401 near Port Hope early Saturday morning and noticed the male driver was watching pornography on a portable DVD player sitting on the passenger seat.

Efe Osemwegie, 32, of Mississauga is charged with speeding and operating a motor vehicle with a television visible to the driver.

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RELATED: What could possibly go wrong?

*

You can have his pornography...

When you pry it from his cold dead laptop...

Because "Canadian Cynic" is smarter than your average perv...

"I can encrypt them. Or misname them. Or put them in hidden folders. Or just not bring them at all, and get them later via e-mail or from a web site. I mean, Jesus Christ, the possibilities are endless. Really, you'd have to pretty stupid to get caught smuggling porn on your computer."

I thought I was finished with little CC for a while... but he just keeps on comin' back and linking to me, like a yappy little dog.

I have to say, boasting about how easy it is to get pornography past Customs has confirmed my opinion of this putz.

I shouldn't be surprised... CC has previously posted such gems as...

"If you Google on "pay to fuck," what do you get coming up as the very first hit? Just curious."

How old is this guy... fifteen?

Instead of obsessing about variants of online pornography, CC might be better off trying to get a date with a an actual flesh-and-blood (whatever his gender preference) human being.

One thing's for sure... I'm never gonna shake his slimy, sticky hand.

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