10 July 2008

Some serious wood

One man, one chain saw, one tank of gas... and the fight still isn't over.

Just taking a short R&R... that's "Refuel and Rehydrate" to all you city slickers... from my ongoing one-man skirmish with Mother Nature.

Lest you imagine this is a lopsided contest, my current opponent is a huge half-dead aspen that's been looming over the access road we've cut through the woods out back. It's gotta be close to 18 inches in diameter at 4 feet off the ground, and if I don't take it down myself, it could come down at a less opportune moment... like on Mrs. Neo on her daily constitutional.

It's just ice-cream that we heat with wood.

I thought I was gonna be able to drop the sucker cleanly across the road... and have it limbed and bucked into lengths in about an hour, but Mr. Murphy has reared his ugly head and dictated otherwise.

First, it didn't fall as cleanly as I expected and snagged on another tree across the road about eighty feet off the ground. I tried hooking up to it with the snatch strap and yanking with the truck, but only succeeded in swinging the back of the vehicle over, gently kissing another tree.

After cutting into it another 4 feet up the trunk, the bottom once again dropped to the ground and now has an even more acute lean. And, of course, upon going for another 4 feet... I ran out of gas.

As a bonus... with all the extra jumpin' around in 80 degree heat... I got a little sloppy and grazed my leg with the saw. Fortunately, it was an oblique swipe and I was wearing double layer work pants... so the whirling shark teeth didn't blaze all the way through to meat and bone.

So the score right now is tied at zero... if you don't count the cracked tail-light and the ripped pants.

But don't you worry Mr. Aspen... I'll be back to kick your recalcitrant cellulose ass.

And that cold beer will taste all the sweeter.

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ROUND TWO: Goes to my opponent

The picture above shows where I got back into it.

I started in again with one four foot section already off the bottom of the tree. Two more cuts and I had another eight feet off 'er, which, unfortunately, very nearly stood the tree back up vertical. That, of course, makes the physics a tad more interesting.

Anyway... I ended up dancing around the trunk, trying to finesse things... and got the bar pinched when the cut snapped closed. The moral of this story is to always make sure you've got your wedges handy. I didn't, so that one's on me.

Anyway, that was it for tonight. Unbolted the saw from the stuck bar and headed for the castle. I'll have to throw on my spare to finish the job tomorrow morning. On the plus side, in all my back and forth from the house, I spotted a big doe coming out of the forest to feed.

All in all, despite the complications... a singularly satisfying afternoon.

Stand by for Round Three... "Revenge of the Two Ton Come-along."

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LAST WORD: Round three... and victory is mine

Once I had the rig in place... my arboreal friend didn't last 10 seconds.

Lesson learned... "Use your brain, not your back."

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