That Slippery, Lubed & Extra-ribbed slope

Wynne government to set up mandatory "Heteronormative Penis Registry"...Ontario is introducing gender-neutral driver's licences and health cards. Beginning in early 2017, drivers will be able to select X, instead of an M for male or F for female for their licences. The Liberal government says it is making these changes "to ensure the fair, ethical and equitable treatment of people with trans and...

Chicago...

...by the numbers...********** RELATED: Where stereotypes come from...‘Grime’ rapper Lunar C tweeted ahead of Britain’s European Union referendum that he and “his pals” would “run a train” on Mr. Farage’s daughter. He did not specify which daughter, but Mr. Farage’s young girls are aged 9 and 15 respectively.How...

I'm just waiting for Barack Obama...

...to try pinning this atrocity on "gay bodybuilders"....Five Saudis, two Iraqis, an Iranian, Jordanian, Tunisian, Ukrainian, Chinese and a Uzbekistan citizen were confirmed to be among the dead as the airport reopened on Wednesday, which was declared a day of national mourning.The Turks aren't so reticent...Turkish...

Those ignorant, paranoid hillbilly Preppers

It's just so much fun to sit around and make fun of those crazy-ass EOTWAWKI™ survivalists... right? • "The Strategic National Stockpile got its start back in 1999... since then, even though the details aren't public, it's clear that it has amassed an incredible array of countermeasures against possible security threats." "Greg Burel, director of the SNS program says, 'We currently value the inventory...

Somebody's been smokin' the good sh!t

Grandiose Eco-Promises from the failed state that can't even guarantee citizens won't be savagely beheaded by one of its ubiquitous drug cartels...Mexico will announce that 50 per cent of their electricity will come from clean power sources by 2025 at the Three Amigos summit in Ottawa this week.The sad truth is, lawless, anarchic Mexico can't predict what will be happening 9 minutes from now... never...

The first rule of "Fright Club"...

...is to pretend that you can't "smell the crazy" wafting out of the dressing room..."The most sobering part of the story isn’t the reaction anti-Semitism receives back in the West Bank: At the end of his 43-minute speech, Abbas received a standing ovation from the audience of European representatives."And...

Just thank your lucky stars...

...the politicians have declared Toronto a "nuclear weapons-free zone"...Police say a woman was slashed twice in the face in an unprovoked attack in the Danforth and Pape area when a man approached her and began to yell. Police say a verbal altercation took place between the two, and then the man pulled out a knife and slashed her twice in the face. Police describe him as black and wearing a black...

The Liberal Party of Canada...

...all about the songs... "Meanwhile, another private member’s bill — one that could have a real, tangible effect on the lives on Canadians now and in the future — was quietly voted down by the Liberals in the House of Commons this week." "Right after the Liberal caucus banded together to vehemently...

That smelly old "Weinie Wagger"...

...on the subway... just think of him as an artiste...Performance artist Milo Moiré wears a trapezoidal skirt made up of mirrored surfaces and invites passers-by to reach into a rectangular opening at the front to touch her vagina.Sweet baby jebus. I'm looking forward to hearing enthusiastic reviews...

Liar, liar...

...pantsuit on fire...In a speech at George Washington University in March 2008, the now-presumptive Democratic presidential nominee said that, when she arrived in Bosnia on March 25, 1996, “I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport,...

All the subtlety of Leni Riefenstahl

And while we're at it, where do Sears and Canadian Tire get all those extremely attractive, ambiguously bi-racial folk they throw together in their ads to represent the typical contemporary "Canadian family... cos they're sure not living anywhere around here. More to the point, how are they all so...

The capricious and unknowable...

..."Will of Allah"...A pregnant woman and her husband in Pakistan were tortured and murdered by relatives who disapproved of their marriage, an incident that is part of what is becoming a growing trend in the south Asian nation. The killing is the latest in a series of similar attacks. The Hindustan Times notes that another pregnant woman, Muqaddas Bibi, was found with her throat slashed in Gujranwala,...

Bigger Hill, Better Death

Travel back with me to a simpler time when every single dope who ever drooled between two lips wasn't super-duper extra special..."Six months after the Pentagon ordered all combat jobs open to women, seven female Marines are either serving in those posts or waiting to serve. Nearly 86 percent of the women failed the (qualifying) tests, compared with less than 3 percent of the men."This is life and...

Pencils write poetry, cars murder pedestrians

"Blaming guns for the Islamist murder of 49 people in the Orlando gay club, is like saying that Zyklon B gas was the cause of the Holocaust..."Simple. Straight. Succinct. Of course, not everyone agrees..."President Barack Obama’s loyal Attorney General is struggling to help the president’s see-no-Islam...

Just think of it...

...as "protection money"..."I don't have work, I'll be outside chillin' in the hood and stuff but that's not gonna get me far. It'd get me in trouble... I don't need none of that stuff near my family."Translation... "Gimme a job... or bodies be droppin'. Hey Canada... ever wonder why your taxes keep...

That secretive, controlling Stephen Harp...

...wait a minute..."Citing the same need for privacy, the Liberal government will also not reveal the shipment in question, only referring to the product as a “military item” – and won’t disclose the specific value of the contract."But, but, but... this is Canada... we're a nation of "Peacekeepers." Well, not exactly..."Canada has soared in global rankings to become the second biggest arms dealer...

“Dreams from My Father?”

You mean the philanderer, the bigamist... the man who abandoned his mistress and mixed race child and fled back to Kenya? Sounds more like a nightmare to me...In 2013, the Schomburg Center invited President Obama to see the newly discovered documents, which included nearly two dozen of his father’s letters... nearly three years later, as Mr. Obama celebrates his last Father’s Day in the White House,...

Calling Tyrion Lanister

We've got snacks... we've got axes... the only thing missing is booze..."In recent months, a safety specialist was brought in to inspect Backyard Axe-Throwing League locations as part of the application to the Alcohol and Gaming Commission of Ontario." "The AGCO didn’t immediately respond to a request...

CTV still baffled by mass murder...

...at gay Orlando nightclub..."A motive has yet to be established in the Florida attack by Omar Mateen, a 29-year-old son of Afghan immigrants."Yes, Virginia... this is truly a mystery. No wonder people are abandoning mainstream media and turning to the internet for all their news needs. In addition, instead of actually tripping over an answer that might involve some mysterious, unspecified religious...

And crazy is still crazy

Hey, Chicken Lady... I'm thinkin' maybe you wanna look up the word "analogy" in the dictionary...Yeah, Ingrid... I guess it's really tough being president of a "Big Picture" organisati...

Obama's mandatory plastic cutlery law

Ready for a mind-blowing statistic?In 2014, you were six times more likely to be murdered with a knife than you were with a rifle. Knives were the weapon of choice in 1,567 murders in 2014, according to the FBI. It gets crazier. You were also nearly three times more likely to be killed by someone’s...

Myth Busted

The Canadian Senate, in terms anyone can understand, is your toddler in the back of the Minivan yelling out that you should "turn here, Daddy!!!"...Justin just put in his earbuds and turned up the volume. ********** UPDATE: The Boy-King triumphs again We don't need no sober second thought..."Canada...

Meet "Muhammed Alicia"

Just a dainty little ballerina... trapped in a palooka's body...It remains to be seen if the latest fight, which left an opponent so severely injured, will affect the rules of MMA fighting. But for now, Fox remains classified as a female fighter – and ready to fight, with the advantage of being born...

So lemme count the ways...

One • you need two thousand dollars... Two •• you have to be a qualified (as in trained) owner of a "restricted" firearms certificate which is not issued without extensive vetting by the RCMP... Three ••• you may only possess 5 round magazines... Four •••• you may only shoot this rifle on a "certified"...

You buy heroin for East Vancouver junkies...

...build special aboriginal prisons and bring in 50,000 Muslim refugees from halfway round the world... there just isn't any money left for WWII vets...The son of a decorated 94-year-old war veteran says he’s shocked after receiving word Monday afternoon that Petter Blindheim has been rejected once again in his bid to stay in one of 13 beds available at the federally funded Camp Hill Veteran’s Memorial...

Yet again, the capricious & unknowable...

..."Will of Allah"...A man who claimed allegiance to the Islamic State group stabbed French police commander Jean-Baptiste Salvaing, 42, and his 35-year-old companion, Jessica Schneider, to death on Monday night before he was killed in a dramatic police operation. The attacker also took the couple’s 3-year-old son hostage. A news agency linked to the group said the attack had been carried out by...

More bang for your buck

Looking to replace your plummeting investments in solar panels and gluten-free breakfast cereal? • Shares of major gunmakers rallied in trading on Monday, one day after the deadliest mass shooting in US history. Smith & Wesson shares jumped by as much as 11%, while Sturm, Ruger & Company...

Burning people to death...

...in iron cages, throwing homosexuals to their death off tall buildings, lopping bits off womens genitals...Sounds like more than a playground scuffle to me. ********** RELATED: Magical thinking will not keep you safe...A mosque in Toronto is creating a name for itself for welcoming the LGBT community,...

Guys, guys... trust me...

...just blame Stephen Harper... I mean, the Liberals used that one to crown a millionaire trust fund baby/political novice with less actual life experience than your average Pizza-Pizza franchisee..."City officials were reluctant to link the sinkhole to light rail tunnel construction happening two-dozen metres below..."Extra points for mentioning Rob Ford. Go on, you know you want ...

Because it's 2016...

...right, Justin?Canada’s top court rules all non-penetrative sex acts involving animals are legal.********** RELATED: From the Comments..."I've lived under these crooks long enough to know this can mean only one thing, inheritance taxes are going way u...

You've got a Grade 8 education...

...and the sum total of your work experience to date is flogging streetcorner pharmaceuticals... what sort of a "career" do you imagine is on the horizon...A trio of leaders representing the African Canadian Coalition of Community Organizations came to City Hall Wednesday as Mayor John Tory joined fellow councillors in supporting a gun amnesty program which would trade guns for grocery coupons. "Coupons...

The Reverse Midas Effect

Everything they touch turns to, well... you know..."The Ontario Liberals have been forced to abandon a fund of more than $40 million that failed to stem the loss of nurses in the province after spending 10 times more on expenses than on saving jobs."It gets better...That would be bad enough, said McNaughton,...

Your money... their playthings...

Abolish the Canadian Senate.... do it now...OTTAWA — Former Liberal senator Rod Zimmer died Tuesday at the age of 73, but his pension lives on. Zimmer’s controversial wife, Maygan Sensenberger, will collect $19,700 a year for the rest of her life, according to the Canadian Taxpayers Federation. Considering she’s only 27, that could mean millions to Canadian taxpayers.Of course, there's more to the...

Wait a minute...

...the government has absolutely no compunction about funding the killing of perfectly healthy people in utero...One of the key plaintiffs in the court battle for physician-assisted death is celebrating the historic decision coming into effect, but calls the federal government’s handling of the new law a betrayal. Lee Carter said the Liberal government has crafted a bill so restrictive it would have...

Remember... back in the day...

...somebody said something "disrespectful"... you'd whip out your illegal "Saturday Night Special" and blow him right out of his Air Jordans?Yeah, me neither. Thank goodness the politicians have a solution handy.City Hall is pondering a gun amnesty and local gangsters must be itching to trade their...

Dr Hillary and Mr Hyde

I'm starting to get where Bill Clinton's "bimbo eruptions" must've come from..."I witnessed her obscenity-laced tirades, her shifting of blame, how she berated Vince Foster until he could stand no more, how minor incidents involving blue gloves and botched invitations sent her into a tizzy. It was...

Certainly not the "melting pot"...

...the "social justice warriors" are always going on about...Already, insurance rates in Brampton are the highest in the GTA. I discovered this when I moved to the city and had to buy car insurance. An insurance agent told me this was because of the high rates of crashes and fraudulent claims in Brampton.Hmmm......

Generation Jenner

So, if you're a teenager trapped in an aging male body..."It was a fantasy of course: an infantile joke that was the product of a red-wine haze. Except, it wasn’t. Because in 2016 the ball lift, aka a Scrotal Uplift aka a Scrotoplasty, is a bona fide thing. Seriously."********** RELATED: Jamaharon,...

Metro Councillors on a venue...

...that has hosted multiple homicides... watch them go all "Lemony Snickets" on it's ass...“A series of unfortunate events have taken place in and around that address. I wish we could have had a resolution sooner.”Unfortunate events? Really? Say, Councillors... you're not soft pedaling here because it's an ethnic hangout, are you? 'Cos, that'd be sorta (reverse) racist..The establishment in question,...

If this was simply about alcoholism...

...Hunter Tootoo should be deprived of his drivers license... not his membership in the Sunny Ways Party...With Tootoo & his fellow "Honourable Members" refusing to provide a coherent reason for his being turfed from caucus, we're all free to speculate wildly about his actual offen...

Remember, don't try this at home...

...unless you're a "professional" journalist... It goes without saying, (especially when dealing with protected groups like aboriginals) one must never use an unambiguous term like "murdered" when you can dance around actual facts.Six Nations Police said Wednesday night the three men surrendered shortly after officials learned a 16-year-old boy had succumbed to injuries he suffered earlier in the...

No word yet on how many...

..typing fingers you lose for transgressing...********** RELATED: Lighten up, Officer... ...sure, I occasionally let the dog drive the car... but he's never, ever off his leash... In almost obsessive-compulsive attention to detail, the Koran specifies the thickness of the stick one should use to...

Politics 101

No incentives "not to lie." Provincial and Federal political candidates undergo extensive questioning & screening before being allowed to run. Cabinet Ministers go under a microscope. So, in order to get where they were, these folks either lied extensively... or the Party gave them a pass. And...

Crooks Inc.

Ontario's financial accountability officer says the Liberal government is telling ministries to block information he needs to asses their budget forecasts and program costs. Progressive Conservative finance critic Vic Fedeli says it seems the only time the public can get the real information from the Liberal government is through a cabinet leak or an OPP criminal investigation.********** RELATED:...