Those darned Journo-Canadians

I mean, your story about a butchered human body... needed a little jazzing up?

The Daily Show the other night...

...Jon Stewart was screaming for some fact-checking on Republican VP nominee Paul Ryan... I'm curious, would he apply the same standard to Michelle Obama's claims of impoverished origins & extreme rectitude...

"As her husband moved onto the national political stage, Michelle Obama began to enjoy a lavish lifestyle at taxpayer expense, directly and indirectly. When Barack Obama was elected to the U.S. Senate, he obtained a $1 million earmark for the University of Chicago Hospital -- and his wife’s salary as Vice President for Community Affairs jumped from $121,910 to $316,962. Her job: pushing poor, uninsured patients to other hospitals."

(via bcf)

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RELATED: Ask a history professor

"When asked to rank issues, voters mostly put the economy at the top of the list. And yet when asked to make a choice between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney, their choices don’t seem to be economically based."

Worth the read.

Those cruel Conservative bastards

Don't you worry, though... I've heard that under Prime Minister Mulcair, the very first piece of legislation will set up a Wicca-Centric school system.

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RELATED: In other education news

Toronto the Good... and your tax dollars.

But it was just a children's party...

...right?

TORONTO -- A 17-year-old Toronto youth who was wounded in the July 16 mass shooting on Scarborough’s Danzig Street has been shot a second time, and two other teenagers – one 16, the other 18 – face multiple gun-related charges, including attempted murder.

On Tuesday, the 16-year-old who allegedly shot the 17-year-old was charged with nine gun-related offences and several other charges, including cocaine possession.

Those darned youths.

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RELATED: Ask a Journo-Canadian...

...if you can settle for sugar & spice and everything nice...

"Shannon Longshaw, a resident of the public housing complex, said she helped organize the party that was to be held in the afternoon and was not meant for adults."

“'It was for the kids,' she said, fighting back tears."

You mean like the kid with the nine gun charges?

Dream a little dream

Apparently, the timing's a little tricky

To escape being flattened by the "wheels of justice", you have to pull the trigger after he starts to swing the rusty screwdriver... but before it pierces your pericardium...

But buck up Britannia, there is a ray of hope...

Rutland and Melton MP Alan Duncan, a Government minister, said the real crime would be if the couple were prosecuted for defending their home.

"If this is a straightforward case of someone using a shotgun to defend themselves against burglars in the dead of night, then I would hope that the police will prosecute the burglars and not my constituents."

(via kate)

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RELATED: Compare and contrast

The intruder kicked open the door. (92 year-old) Jones fixed his aim on the center of the man’s chest and fired a single shot. The Boone County Sheriff later announced the death of the intruder, Lloyd (Adam) Maxwell, 24, of Richmond, Ky.

Two men with Maxwell, Ryan Dalton, 22, and Donnie Inabnit, 20, both of Dry Ridge, were charged with second degree burglary and tampering with evidence. Police say they removed Maxwell’s body from Jones’ Violet Road home.

Mess with a vet at your peril.

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A READER WRITES: Couple exonerated after shooting

Maybe the Brit cops were just jealous. If we can't have guns, nobody can...

A couple who were arrested after a shotgun was fired at intruders during a break-in will not face charges, the Crown Prosecution Service has said.

Judith Walker, Chief Crown Prosecutor for the East Midlands, said: "I am satisfied that this is a case where householders, faced with intruders in frightening circumstances, acted in reasonable self-defence.

Somewhere, Bob Rae just shat himself.

Thank you Dead Tree media

Congratulations on taking yet another non-issue that no reasonable person would waste 30 seconds debating... and torquing it up to try create another faux-war in the name of "equality"...Just another reason to dump that useless subscription folks.

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RELATED: Wait a minute...

...I smell a Liberal brainwave...

Here's another perfect opportunity for the enlightened, intellectual left to even out the scales of societal injustice by mandating that sperm banks provide "equal" numbers of red-headed future human beings to people looking for IVF... but, hang on... why stop there?

Why should "affirmative action" only extend to the workplace? Why not take that thought to its logical extension and dole out the people goop to balance out all racial inequality.

Let's face it... race and gender are obsolete concepts in today's brave new world, right?

THAT'S SOME PRICEY LITTLE HOLE...

And the Globe's lofty take on all this...

  --  "Until now, the cost of Mr. Layton’s state funeral has been kept under wraps. At least one columnist was pilloried for asking whether public money ought to have been spent on a ceremony that at times took on the appearance of a partisan political rally."  --  

That's the only reason you can think of, Canadians might not wanna punt hundreds of thousands of dollars on this guy?  Hey, nobody actually got arrested, right?  So that one don't count.

Gotta hand it to ol' Jack... somewhere up in socialist heaven, he's laughing at all of us...

  --  "House of Commons records for 2009 state that Chow and Layton charged Canadian taxpayers over a million dollars. Chow's expenses tallied $530,304.73 and Layton's was $628,913.68."  --  

Doing good? Jack, like all his "progressive" brethren was all about feeling good... and getting other folks to pick up the tab.

You blew this one, Mr Harper. And your punishment is that you know it.

FROM THE GLOBE COMMENTS:

Never a "community organiser" around...

...when you really need one...

"As the president preps for his Democratic Party convention coronation, homicides in his hometown the first three months of this year have spiked 60 percent over the same period in 2011, and gangs are preying on citizens in a phenomenon called ‘wilding.’"

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RELATED: It's not that complicated

With some digging, you learn, to your horror, that the troubled CEO spends a lot of time on — what the hell? — bowling? Golf? Three point shots? While the company is going south?

What do you do? You fire that CEO. Clint Eastwood was right. You let the guy go.

Or, I guess, you attack the messenger.

That's why we...

...call him Premier McSlippery...

Ontario has the largest increase in income inequality, the worst record on affordable housing and the poorest funding of public services among all provinces, a coalition of labour and community groups said Wednesday.

That evil, lawbreaking Stephen Harp...

...wait a minute...

The Liberal riding association in Guelph has been issued a $4,900 penalty by the federal broadcast regulator for sending out unsolicited robo-calls during the 2011 election campaign.

The Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission announced the finding and penalty Friday.

It describes its notice of violation as being against the Guelph Federal Liberal Association on behalf of Frank Valeriote, who was the Liberal candidate who won the election and is currently an MP.

Oh... my... gawd... stand by for weeks of outraged media coverage as we get an actual conviction on the opposition's robo-calling accusations.

Wait a minute... it's a Liberal MP. I'm guessing it doesn't even make the television news cycle once.

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RELATED: Ask a "professional" journalist

Hmmm... Amanda Lang, Amanda Lang... that sounds so familiar...

"Some changes, such as anchor Amanda Lang’s clear glass desk with view of her legs, surprised industry watchers."

Yup... she's a pro alright.

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LAST WORD: The party of Jack...

The Star obtained internal party documents showing the federal NDP returned a total of $344,468 — including GST — in advertising revenues from eight unions and seven other organizations, received at three separate policy conventions. The funds were returned in April and May.

Apparently, some rules are more important than others.

McSlippery regime falls back on...

..."more basketball courts" strategy...

-- TORONTO -- Ontario is bolstering crime prevention programs with a focus on youth - to the tune of $20 million - in an effort to get guns off the streets by trying to prevent kids from turning to crime in the first place.

A plan to expand summer job programs and add more youth outreach workers was announced Tuesday.

Wait a minute...

Toronto politicians were shocked to hear the alleged Eaton Centre shooter had a City of Toronto job working with kids up until two weeks ago.

Gotta love those Liberals and their bottomless pockets.

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RELATED: Okay, that explains a few things

First it was former Health Minister George Smitherman’s tearful admission that he’d used “party drugs,” before he got into politics.

Now we hear from former Attorney General Michael Bryant that while he was the province’s chief legal officer, he was also an alcoholic. While he claims not to have been drunk on the job, he was hung over. Hello? The attorney general’s job isn’t 9-5 -it’s 24/7. You’re always on duty.

It begs the question, was anyone actually sober at Premier Dalton McGuinty’s cabinet table?

It certainly explains some of their bizarre cabinet decisions.

Party on dudes.

With friends like this...

• TORONTO • Peel police say they know the identity of the woman whose body parts were found in Mississauga and Scarborough.

Guang Hua Liu, 41, a mother of two young children and an adult child, has been identified as the victim. She was last seen Aug. 10 "in the company of friends."

Liu, a Canadian citizen of Chinese descent, is the registered owner of a spa at Kennedy Rd. and Eglinton Ave. E.

As always... the real story is...

...in the comments...
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UPDATE: Olivia cashes in yet again...

...but that's okay... 'cos she's just a poor widow-woman...

"Tell me that it’s just dandy for Chow to directly profit via taxpayers on her dead husband’s propaganda film."

I can't wait for Layton brand "Velvet Touch" tissues... for all those messy "shiatsu" moments.

That's so weird... I didn't see a thing...

..about this on the CTV news...Of course, on the 11 o'clock national news, the talking heads were again offering up slobbery images of their pet martyr, Julian Assange, and I quote...

"It is not likely British police will assault the (Ecuadorian) embassy."

Hmmm... ya think?

I guess I just don't get how people can accept that the mainstream media is somehow offering them up actual news. They should just skip right over to Jon Stewart and the Daily show... they make no apologies for their propaganda.

Sugar & spice and everything...

...that fills ordinary folk with revulsion and horror...
First, the little darlings stripped her naked and tossed her outta the car...

"McIvor’s body was dragged for about one kilometre before her arm was trapped under the rear passenger wheel, which caused her head to be pulled from her body by the seatbelt that was around her neck."

Don't you worry, though... they get out, there's also gonna be a curfew.

Now that's a darn shame

I was really looking forward to that new ten spot with the flaming vehicle being tossed off that bridge in Caledonia...

"The bank immediately ordered the image redrawn, imposing what a spokesman called a 'neutral ethnicity' for the woman scientist who, now stripped of her 'Asian' features, appears on the circulating note. Her light features appear to be Caucasian."

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UPDATE: Well, that didn't take long...
I thought perpetuating stereotypes was supposed to be a bad thing... I mean, this wasn't a specific "Asian" scientist... like, you know, celebrating a specific Prime Minister... right?

A spokesperson for the Chinese Canadian National Council slammed the bank on Friday for bending to racism.

“The Bank of Canada apparently took seriously ... racist comments and feedback from the focus groups and withdrew the image,” said May Lui, interim executive director of the group’s Toronto chapter.

Ms. Lui demanded the bank “acknowledge their error in caving to the racist feedback.”

Remember... some pandering is good.

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FROM THE COMMENTS:

"If you're going to have a woman scientist, have a real one. You could go seriously with a geologist - Drs Alice Wilson and Helen Belyea for two. In fact, you could put Dr Belyea on horseback out in the field, thus combining political correctness, great scenery, and accuracy."

I'm beginning to see where all that...

..."crime is down" malarkey is coming from...

“We don’t have a cause of death and without a cause of death, we can’t call it a homicide,” Acting Insp. Randy Cowan said.

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UPDATE: Is it murder now?

"Two severed hands were found in a Mississauga park Friday as Peel police returned to search for more body parts following the discovery of a foot and head."

From the guys who brought you...

..."Romney is gonna put y'all back in chains"...

First it was the Department of Homeland Security, then it was the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, and now the Social Security Administration is set to purchase 174,000 rounds of hollow point bullets that will be delivered to 41 locations across the country.

Ah, wait a minute... that's a secret...

The Department of Homeland Security’s decision to black out sections of the document, including the number of bullets being purchased, is likely to be related to a massive controversy which has snowballed over the last few weeks pertaining to concerns as to why the federal agency has purchased well over a billion rounds of bullets over the last 6 months alone.

The DHS’ decision back in March to purchase of 450 million rounds of .40-caliber hollow point bullets that are designed to expand upon entry and cause maximum organ damage prompted questions as to why the federal agency required such powerful bullets and in such large quantities merely for training purposes.

Hang on a sec, Peace Moonbeam... don't guns only have one purpose?

You still feelin' all hopey-changey?

And that's a fatwa...

...on you and you and you...

TUNIS, Tunisia — Islamist extremists have targeted two Tunisian Olympic medalists for behaviour and dress seen as un-Islamic, as debate grows over the role of religion and women in the country that unleashed the Arab Spring uprisings.