THE USUAL, WELL... YOU KNOW...

-- "Canadian Border Services employees discovered 33 kilos of weed in two checked suitcases apparently owned by German citizens who were booked on a flight back to Germany.  The RCMP released the two Germans and arrested Air Canada employee Atasha Weathley, 32, of Mississauga after she tried to ship suitcases of weed using passenger bag tags." --

And it's tim to kill 'Young Offender's Act'...

-- "Two 17-year-old boys have been charged in connection with three carjackings in Halton Region last week." --

IT'S WORTH THE DRIVE TO AJAX...

-- "Designed exclusively for women, the 'Lethal Ladies' package delivers a supportive, empowering, and high-energy shooting experience.  Guided by professional Range Officers, you’ll learn proper technique, build confidence, and master modern firearms in a comfortable environment." --

BUT WAIT... THERE'S MORE.

WHEN SECONDS COUNT THE COPS ARE ONLY 20 MINUTES AWAY...

-- "New video appears to show a shopper subduing a suspect in the aftermath of a smash-and-grab robbery at a mall jewelry store in Oshawa over the weekend." --

NOTA BENE...

-- "A spokesperson for Durham Regional Police would not confirm whether mallgoers helped apprehend the suspects." --

In other news from 'the Schwa'...

-- "Police have arrested William Taylor HAYES, 24, responsible for a stabbing in Oshawa. At the time of the stabbing, Hayes was already bound by a weapons prohibition." --

Not Willie's first rodeo, apparently.

CARNEY'S GENDER-FLUID DAUGHTER WAS APPARENTLY UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT...

-- "A court in Pakistan on Wednesday upheld the marriage of a forcibly converted 13-year-old Christian girl to the Muslim man accused of kidnapping her, sending a wave of anguish and alarm through the Christian community." --

It gets better... by which I mean worse...

-- "Addressing assertions by Maria’s father that she was a 12-year-old minor at the time of the illegal marriage, the court dismissed documentary evidence of her age as 'unreliable.'” --

BECAUSE HE MAKES ALL THE RIGHT PEOPLE CRAZY...

“Great progress has been made but, if for any reason a deal is not shortly reached, which it probably will be, and if the Hormuz Strait is not immediately ‘Open for Business,’ we will conclude our lovely ‘stay’ in Iran by blowing up and completely obliterating all of their Electric Generating Plants, Oil Wells and Kharg Island.”

Keep 'em guessing...

-- "'Maybe we take Kharg Island, maybe we don’t,' Trump told the Financial Times. 'We have a lot of options.'" --

NOT A BOB OR A DOUG IN SIGHT...

-- "Toronto Police have arrested Isaiah Cassim, 27, in a human trafficking investigation that investigators say involved deception, coercion, illicit drugs and the exploitation of an adult woman. He faces a lengthy list of charges, including procuring exercising control, and advertising another person’s sexual services." --

AND...

-- "Mario Norbert Fajko, 28, is wanted after a person was choked and thrown to the ground near Lumsden and Woodbine avenues in separate incidents in East York last week." --

I'M SO OLD I REMEMBER PRE-KIDNAPPING ONTARIO...

-- "The suspect is described as a Black male in his late 20s to early 30s, medium build, five-foot-eight, last observed wearing a black jacket." --

YEAH... THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO LEAVE HIM OUT IN THE RAIN...

-- "The message did not include any evidence that Khamenei, who has not been publicly seen since the war began last month, is alive. It also didn't include details on how the leader of the Islamic regime conveyed the message." --

THE HEROES WHO WILL SAVE YOU FROM DONALD TRUMP...

-- "Georgia State University teacher and self-described 'DOGEWALKER' Jessica Blinkhorn has been awarded in the art world for her performance pieces about sex and disability. She received a prestigious Guggenheim Fellowship in 2024 — a prestigious award that comes with tens of thousands of dollars in grant money — for her project SPANKBOX." --

Help Jessica save America.

♪ "MAKING A LIST... CHECKING IT TWICE..." ♪

-- "Ahmad Vahidi, head of the IRGC and arguably the most powerful operational terrorist in Iran, has just died after being hit by an airstrike in Tehran." --

Guess who else got 'Winchestered?'

THE CAPRICIOUS AND UNKNOWABLE 'WILL OF...' -- WELL, YOU KNOW...

-- "France's anti-terrorism Prosecutor's Office said it had immediately taken over the investigation, which was looking into 'attempted damage by fire or other dangerous means in connection with a terrorist undertaking' and a 'terrorist criminal conspiracy.'" --

LIFE IN THE FAST LANE...

-- "Nine-month-old Samba escaped from England’s Marwell Zoo on March 16, and although she’s been reportedly spotted frequenting a pub and sunbathing on a riverbank, she’s still managed to evade capture." --

HERE WE GO AGAIN...

-- "Police officers stopped a vehicle believed to have been involved in the incident shortly after it happened.   The driver, a man in his 30s, was arrested and is in police custody. The incident involving a black Suzuki Swift happened at around 9.30pm on Saturday in the Friar Gate area of Derby." --

Ask a Derbyshire cop... and get platitudes...

-- "Although we know this will be alarming, we would like to reassure people that we do not believe there is an ongoing risk to the public." --

UPDATE: Those darned 'Derby' men...

-- "Police described the suspect as a Derby man who is originally from India but has lived in the UK for a number of years. The incident is not currently being treated as terrorism." --

UPDATE: TORONTO HOMICIDE #05/2026...

-- "Toronto Police announced on Saturday that Pratik Parajuli Thapa, 21, had been charged with second-degree murder of 27-year-old Ahmed Hassan Asif. In a news release on Saturday, police said Thapa had also been charged with robbery." --

And...

-- "Halton police have charged Brampton man Justin Tasevski, 29, with 2 counts of attempted murder n connection with a daytime shooting that took place in Oakville this week. Police are still searching for the weapon used in the incident." --

The wild, wild west...

  --  "Police are investigating a 'targeted' shooting that injured one man in Oakville early Sunday morning."  --

HEY, IT'S THE NATION'S CAPITOL... WE'LL JUST PRINT MORE MONEY...

-- "Ottawa Police Officer Goran Beric who was found guilty for assault and assault with a weapon after stepping on a man’s neck and striking him with a baton made Ontario’s Sunshine List this past year even after being suspended since 2023." --

Special rules for special people...

-- "'It remains unclear why the SO did not take notice of a stopped vehicle in his lane of traffic with its emergency flashers activated,' Martino wrote in his report." --

THE LUNATIC LEFT...

-- "We can't help but wonder if King Charles will be attending the 'No Kings' protest in London." --

Civil War 2.0... it's coming for you.

THE USUAL, WELL... YOU KNOW...

-- "Durham Regional Police say two men and one female suspect were taken into custody while several drugs, a loaded firearm, and prohibited overcapacity magazines were located and seized." --

THE GUNS CARNEY & COMPANY DON'T SEEM TO CARE ABOUT...

-- "Calgary Police say that around 3:30 a.m., two men were dropped off at a Calgary hospital with non-life-threatening gunshot wounds. It’s unclear where the shooting took place." --

Legal, registered firearms aren't the problem... but law-abiding citizens are the target. 

Why is that?

SAYS THE REPRESENTATIVE FROM PALESTINE...

-- "Rep. Pramila Jayapal (D-WA) said that reparations are necessary for illegal immigrant children and families who faced deportation proceedings under the Trump administration." --

And as Chicago swirls around the toilet bowl...

-- "Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson plans to 'gather lived experiences of harm of Black Chicagoans' as part of an effort to implement reparations for Black residents." --

Easier than paying the bills, I guess...

-- "Chicago, the nation’s third-largest city, is facing a corporate fund budget gap of more than $1 billion." --

SPEAKING OF SAVAGES WHO SHOULD NEVER SEE DAYLIGHT AGAIN...

-- "Washington man Majeed Guerry, 31, who has four prior felony convictions is back behind bars after he pistol-whipped and then shot a teenager in the chest over a water balloon prank." --

Put him in a steel cage, weld the door shut... and turn out the light.

HOW ABOUT YOU KILL SOMEONE... YOU NEVER DRIVE AGAIN...

-- "Xzander Wright, 19, who killed killed 55-year-old crossing guard Peter Clark appeared in court again on Friday, as new details emerge about a separate impaired driving case in Brockville." --

This is manslaughter... send him to an actual prison.  

And why should repeat offender celebrities get a break?

SEEMS IT'S ALWAYS THE GUYS WITH THE WAY-COOL NAMES...

-- "CBC News is not naming the accused or deceased in this case because of a publication ban that prohibits the use of any information that may identify the two men’s children." --

IT SEEMS CTV NEWS HAS NO SUCH COMPUNCTION...

-- "Daniel Squalls, 24, died on Nov. 28, 2022, after being shot more than six times. Malique Calloo, now 30, has pleaded not guilty to second-degree murder; his lawyer has already asked the jury to convict on manslaughter." --

If he wasn't guilty... why did he run? 

And, back at the ranch...

-- "Alden Nunes, 46, has been charged in connection with a robbery near 14th Avenue and Birchmount Road in Markham earlier this week that left one person seriously injured." --

Not a Bob or a Doug in sight.

WHAT... YOU THOUGHT PELOSI AND BIDEN WERE THE ONLY DEM CROOKS?

-- "Democrat Rep. Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick, who first won election to Congress in 2021, is accused of stealing more than $5 million in disaster relief funds that were improperly paid to her family’s healthcare company, among other criminal allegations.   If convicted in federal court, Cherfilus-McCormick, 47, faces up to 53 years in prison." --

THE SAME HIGH STANDARDS WE'VE COME TO EXPECT...

-- "A Secret Service agent guarding former first lady Jill Biden shot himself in the leg at Philadelphia International Airport on Friday. A spokesperson told The Post: 'We are gathering the facts and will have a statement shortly.'" --

SCHRÖDINGER’S GRAVES ™... KEEP THAT GRAVY TRAIN RUNNING...

-- "It will take decades to begin searching for purported graves at an Indian Residential School site in Kamloops, B.C., the chief of the Tk’emlups te Secwepemc First Nation said last evening. “Holocaust investigations have continued for more than 75 years,” Chief Rosanne Casimir told senators. 'Truth takes time.'" --

HEY, TORONTO... BEHOLD YOUR SHINING FUTURE...

-- "A large teen gathering in downtown Chicago descended into chaos Wednesday night—prompting a curfew enforcement order and intensifying the debate over how to stop repeat takeovers in the Loop." --

THERE'S A FAMOUS COP SAYING... 'WE DON'T CATCH THE SMART ONES'...

Newly promoted Westchester detective Kyren Braunskill, 34, was arrested Thursday morning after being named in an indictment that charged him with selling weapons to members and associates of the '48 Gang' in Riverhead used in both fatal and non-fatal shootings.

It gets better... by which I mean worse.

GYPSIES 2... POLICE 0...

-- "Durham Regional Police say Ovidiu-Ionut Dumitru, 36, of Romania, who used fraudulent documents to steal a vehicle in Pickering has fled the country. Dumitru made no payments on the vehicle, which was shipped to the Netherlands." --

The case mirrors another investigation involving a similar scheme and another Romanian suspect.

DARWIN AWARDS 2026... WE HAVE A CONTENDER...

-- "Michael Brown, a 22-year-old spring breaker who was caught on viral video half-naked and twerking on top of a speeding SUV has died after he was flung from the Jeep in a drunken crash. Brown was pronounced dead last Friday — just days after he suffered a catastrophic head injury in the horrifying wreck." --

THOSE GOSH-DARNED ENTREPRENEURIAL 'BRAMPTON' MEN...

-- "Guramrit Sidhu, a 62-year-old Brampton man has pleaded guilty to leading a criminal organization that trafficked 523 kilograms of methamphetamine and 347 kilograms of cocaine worth up to $17 million from the United States into Canada over a one-month span." --

Apparently, Mr Sidhu was a Brampton 'Trucking King.' 

Meanwhile... in other 'cultural enrichment' news.

FORGET CANADA... LET'S SETTLE THIS THE OLD FASHIONED 'ALGERIAN WAY'...

-- "Salim Touaibi, 29, was found guilty by a jury on Thursday of first-degree murder and four counts of attempted murder. Touaibi killed high school student Meriem Boundaoui, 15, by shooting her in the head." --

In other tales of 'diversity/strength'...

-- "Joshua Parag, 25, Wendy Parag, 55, Derek Parag, 56, Jasmine Parag, 21, all of Toronto, are each facing numerous charges after police located two firearms near Keele Street and Finch Avenue in North York." --

A RETURN TO MERIT BASED PROFESSIONAL QUALIFICATION...

-- "'At this time, our investigation will focus on possible race discrimination in medical school admissions,' Harmeet K. Dhillon, the Justice Department’s assistant attorney general for civil rights, wrote in each of the letters." --

Here's a thought... how about you don't ask me to pay for your 'naked' parade?

WHAT'S THE LATEST FROM MINISTER SATHIYASANGAREE 'CALL ME GARY' ANANDASANGAREE?

-- "House of Commons member Dane Lloyd said, 'Minister, the declaration period for firearms owners is scheduled to end next week. So far, only 2.5 percent of the estimated two million effected firearms have been declared and 98 percent firearms owners haven’t made a declaration. So, if they’re not declaring by next week, what’s your plan, Minister?'" --

THAT'S NOT WHAT HE SAID A LITTLE WHILE AGO...

And while Liberals target legal, registered firearms owners...

-- "Samir Abdelgadir, 45, was found guilty of kidnapping a 14-year-old Toronto boy from a Driftwood Avenue social housing complex to cover his half-brother’s drug debt has been sentenced to 11 and a half years in prison." --

YET ANOTHER BIDEN CONSTITUENT IN THE NEWS...

-- "Illegal immigrant Vidal Jimenez, 23, is facing multiple felony charges after chasing a Florida teenager through a local park while armed with a knife." --

ONE SIDE HAS 400 MILLION GUNS... THE OTHER CAN'T DECIDE...

...WHICH BATHROOM TO USE...

-- "What was expected to be a quick, symbolic vote instead turned into a brief but telling floor moment, with Republicans forcing the question into the open and Democrats opting to shelve the resolution rather than define 'woman' in legislation — leading to an eruption of laughter on the House floor." --

CANUCK COPS KEEP LOSING TRACK OF KILLERS...

-- "Canadian cops have been looking for Noah Singh for nearly three years. There’s a good chance he has fled the country, although investigators haven’t said so. Singh is wanted for being a party to the offence of first-degree murder, possession of a restricted firearm with ammunition, conspiracy to commit murder, and uttering threats.  He was 19 when Cabigon was murdered. He’s 22 now. " --

They should try searching Toronto's subway system.

THOSE DARNED 'CALGARY' MEN...

-- "Two Calgary men, Sohrab Rob Rashed, 34, and Romal Sidiqi, 33, are facing charges in connection with a shooting in northeast Calgary earlier this month." --

DEAR DEMOCRATS... WHAT HAPPENED TO... 'IF IT ONLY SAVES ONE LIFE?'

-- "Honduran national Bairon Hernandez, 34, is a  'serial criminal' with a lengthy rap sheet of at least 15 charges, including aggravated assault, possession of a weapon, and domestic violence. He had been deported from the US four times, but kept returning to the country illegally, according to the DHS." --

INSHALLAH... WE'RE SHUTTING DOWN STRAIT OF HORMUZ... AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN...

-- "Alireza Tangsiri was appointed as the commander of the Navy of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps in 2018. Previously he had served as the deputy commander of the IRGC navy from 2010. Israel says it has killed Tangsiri - Iran has not yet commented." --

With them in spirit, I guess... but keeping their heads down...

-- "Houthis say they ‘stand fully militarily ready’ to join the Iran war" --

THE RACIST SHITHOLE WHERE I LIVE... PRACTICALLY A SOUTHERN PLANTATION...

-- "Nearly half of Black women, girls and gender-diverse people in Canada have delayed or avoided seeking health care out of fear of racial discrimination, according to a new national survey that researchers say exposes widespread anti-Black racism within the health-care system." --

TORONTO HOMICIDE #05/2026... A LITTLE ALTERCATING IN EAST YORK...

-- "Toronto Police say one person is dead following an altercation near Gamble and Donlands avenues in East York late Wednesday night. A suspect – only described as a Black male wearing all black — fled on foot.  A white BMW that crashed into other parked cars in the area is believed to be connected to the homicide." --

UPDATE:  Relax, TPS best man is on it...

-- "Toronto police say 27-year-old auto mechanic Ahmed Hassan Asif has been identified as the victim of a deadly stabbing in East York late Wednesday night.   ‘I don’t believe that this was random,’ TPS Homicide Detective Sajeev Nair stated." --

And...

-- "A shooting outside a martial arts studio in Etobicoke early Thursday morning triggered a police pursuit that ended with a vehicle crashing into the front yard of a home near Royal York Road and North Drive." --

Vaughan shooters proud of their work...

-- "CityNews has verified one of the videos circulating on X, and police confirm it is directly connected to the shooting. The footage shows a suspect leaning out of a vehicle and firing a gun toward a residence." --

MORE UNRESTRICTED IMMIGRATION, PLEASE...

Toronto Police have released images of a suspect in a random assault on a TTC streetcar near Spadina Avenue and College Street. The unknown man punched another person in the face on the streetcar and then kicked him, causing him to fall out of the open door.

And...

-- "Police in York Region are searching for two suspects after a home in Vaughan was shot at days following an attempted vehicle arson earlier this week." --