"EAT ME!!!"

"Township officials have said it's not an anti-zombie issue, but pro-zoning rules."These guys aren't dummies... we've all seen what happens when you piss off the Zombie-American "Community." ********** RELATED: As SDA would say... "Let me fix that headline for you."Perhaps the "professional" journalists...

And Winston Churchill wept

A 350-pound British woman claims it’s not her fault she’s morbidly obese — it’s because the government doesn’t give her enough money.Why that's terrible... this poor woman is being victimised by the... wait a minute...Briggs already receives almost $36,000 a year from the governme...

Those damn Mennonites...

...are at it again...Police said the victim of the brazen, 3:30 p.m. shooting -- also a young man -- is not being much help to investigators and refusing to provide much detail. In fact, he cursed at police in the back of the ambulance when they grilled him for information. Police arrested two men, allegedly affiliated with the Crips street gang, at the scene on Friday afternoon. The men, believed...

What's the mainstream equivalent...

...of Ferguson, Missouri... An Ohio homeowner was ordered by town officials to remove a Nativity scene in front of his house that featured zombies instead of wise men and a baby Jesus. "I wanted a Nativity and I worked with what I had," Jasen Dixon, who manages a nearby haunted house, told Fox 19."So...

Mayor Theodore Hoskins, Berkeley, Missouri...

Dear Sir... Here at Acme Insurance and Loan we pride ourselves on our service and congeniality. Therefore, it is with no small regret that we inform you that we will no longer be able to conduct business with the city of Berkeley. Our policies with your sister city of Ferguson have forced Acme Insurance into Chapter 11. It saddens us to have to close down after 121 years in business, but as you...

So, Premier Wynne...

..., you'll pay for the coverup, but not the actual crime... I'm not sure that I follow the logic here...Premier Kathleen Wynne's press secretary says in a statement that the Ontario Liberal Party executive council voted Monday to cover the payment so no tax dollars go toward work currently under police...

The short answer is...

...people die...Oh, right... the question is... "What happens when you let sympathy cloud what should be the straightforward balancing of an equation? The Eaton Centre shooter was released on bail... TWICE... before he went on to commit multiple murders and maimings. The legal system isn't just broken......

Dear Gays against Israeli Apartheid...

If this guy could do it all over again... (and he can't, because he's, well, uh... dead)... I'm guessing he would gladly make his home in Tel Aviv... In a statement which accompanied the images, ISIS said "the Islamic court in Wilayet al-Furat decided that a man who has practised sodomy must be thrown...

I guess they think...

...it's what Trayvon would've wanted...It’s not the only apparent link between the “dead cops” chant and the Trayvon Martin Organizing Committee. At the beginning of the video and before the call to kill police, you can hear what sounds like, “arms up, shoot back!” That slogan appears on TMOC’s Twitter...

Less Justin Trudeau... more Dillon Hillier

********** DEAR PROFESSIONAL JOURNALISTS: This is why we don't take you seriously... JTF2 "operators," as they prefer to be called, use a Macmillan TAC-50 rifle nicknamed "Big Mac." It's the longest-range weapon available to snipers, with a range of 2.3 km. The Big Mac has been standard issue...

Hot peppers are commonly graded...

...in "Scoville" units... perhaps bloodthirsty mobs can henceforth be measured in "Sharptons."Several thousand protesters marched in New York City on Saturday. The protesters were part of Al Sharpton’s “Million Marchers” protest against police violence. The protesters chanted “What do we want?… Dead...

It's all truly relative, I guess

luftangrepp: Since klingon sex is basically violent wrestling, I wonder if the klingons don’t have BDSM but like the opposite. Klingons gathering in secrecy in dark cellars to engage in sweet, gentle loving, to the scorn of fellow klingons. "How can you do that?" the other klingons ask. "You don’t even draw blood? Not a single furniture breaking? It doesn’t seem… natural". "What is...

If he had yet another imaginary son...

Another huge victory for the ordinary working... wait a minute...Just one day before President Obama announced sweeping changes that would allow potential American investment in Cuba, the Cuban government apparently had begun preparing itself by announcing new measures that would allow Cubans who work...

FROM THE COMMENTS:

"I'm totally shocked, SHOCKED, I tell ya!" said absolutely nobody anywhere in Ontario ever.Just another day in the Lieberal swamp. ********** RELATED: Here we go again...The latest debacle: Ms. Lysyk found — stop me if you’ve heard this one before — that a billion public dollars have been spent while failing to accomplish the goal. It’s not ehealth records, or even cancelled power plants. This...

Those tyrannical uncaring Republi...

...wait a minute..."The truth is, even with all the actions I've taken this year, I'm issuing executive orders at the lowest rate in more than 100 years."Hmmm... let's just take a closer look at that claim...Should this matter to anyone? Only if you fell for all that hopey changey argle-bargle...Like...

Phenomena that will henceforth...

...be known as DIE-versity...The gunman, earlier named as Iranian cleric Man Haron Monis, took an as yet unknown number of people hostage shortly before 10:00am (AEDT) on Monday. Monis, who was granted political asylum in Australia, was on bail for a string of violent offences, including being an accessory to the murder of his ex-wife.A beheading in Liverpool, two soldiers murdered in Canada... and...

Third time unlucky?

It has happened before. It will happen again...In the last 200 years, only the 1859 and 1921 solar superstorms are believed by experts to have exceeded the 4,000 nanoTesla/minute level over the U.S. If one of these storms were to occur today, many experts believe they would likely damage key elements of the power grid and could cause very long-term power outages over much of the United States.Bear...

"So, Professor... do we get..."

"...extra credit for looting and burning?"Student: But professor, now that my faith in the integrity of the law is so badly shaken, why should I continue to study law? ... Prof: I make a great living teaching that the law is a tool of oppression designed to protect white privilege. It takes a while to learn all of the jargon, but it’s worth it. One day, all of this can be you...

Emily Post for Jihadis

Whom can you enslave? What can you do with female slaves? Can you beat them and have sex with them? The militants of the self-styled Islamic State, never shy to parade their gruesome, atavistic interpretation of the Quran and its place as they see it in the modern world, have now answered those questions.I'm speechless... I swear, I got nuthi...

We're all gonna die... we're all gonna die

...just not from legally owned firearms...When the federal Conservative government abolished the long-gun registry back in 2012, gun-control advocates predicted no end to the criminal chaos that would result. If duck hunters, farmers and collectors were no longer required to register their rifles and shotguns, women would not be safe in their homes. They would be slaughtered by their murderous male...

Whitehouse takes steps to counter...

...President Obama's plunging popularity.....

Less Justin Trudeau... more Dillon Hillier

Video posted online by the former professional soldier show him putting his training to good use by bandaging a Kurdish fighter who has been shot in the face during a clash with jihadis. 'I accomplished more good in those 20 hours than the previous 26 years of my life,' he said. 'I dragged a man who had been shot in the face to safety and patched him up, while many others stood around in shock. 'I...

Burying the lede?

How far will your average politically correct "professional journalist" go... not to mention the "M" word? Pretty far, it seems... although there's apparently some compelling reason to bring real-estate agents into the blood-soaked, medieval mix.The Crown prosecutor told court that although media reports...

So Chief, what's the holdup here?

The video is drawing more traffic than a naked Miley Cyrus, so what exactly is the roadblock? You're thinking, what... sleepwalking, impersonation... CGI? Fot those of you unfamiliar with this blog... just click on picture above to get to the stor...

Never a President around...

...when you really, really need one. Just another story you won't see on CBC night after night for the next ten days. I guess if Barack Obama actually had that hypothetical son, he wouldn't look like Zemir Begic.ST. LOUIS • A third male suspect in a deadly hammer attack over the weekend in the Bevo...

Remember back in the day...

...some young kid pissed you off... you'd rear back and smash his face with your forehead? Yeah... me neither...Two men have been arrested after police released video footage of a 14-year-old banquet hall employee being head butted at a wedding reception by a guest. York Regional Police said the incident occurred after the boy, a coat-check clerk, asked a group of partygoers who were smoking outside...