Snakes gonna snake

Forget about eating Tidepods...

A woman in Indiana was found dead Wednesday with an eight-foot reticulated python wrapped around her neck, according to officials.

Medics arrived at the house and "attempted life-saving measures" on 36-year-old Laura Hurst of Battle Ground, but were unsuccessful.

Homicide Squad rounding up local...

...farmers, hunters & skeet shooters...

Toronto Police Chief Mark Saunders says five people — mostly teens — have been injured after a shooting at north of Black Creek Drive and Eglinton Avenue West in the city’s west end Wednesday evening.

“If we’re going to get this right, it’s not a matter of apprehension. There are a lot of moving parts to this. I think that if we can work collectively with the community … there’s no need for this to happen."

"The community," Chief... whatever do you mean?

Cheer up, it's not all bad news...

Staff Sgt. Donovan Locke said Thursday morning it’s a “good fact” that all of the victims will likely survive.

Just spitballin' here Chief... but isn't arresting these thugs literally the only thing your guys should be concerned with here?

TRAVEL BACK IN TIME WITH ME:

Did Chief Saunders really say... sweet baby jebus...

"To think we can arrest our way out of this is a falsehood."

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RELATED: And just around the corner

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LAST WORD: That's only the brahs who've been tagged...

“We are experiencing the highest number of shootings recorded to date in Toronto – a total of 237 this year – where someone has been injured or killed."

Imagine if these knuckleheads hit everyone they shot at.

Generation Deservedly Screwed

Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of my own actions...

That $25 billion ballooned to $70 billion. And Trudeau’s promise of a balanced budget has been replaced by a $93-billion deficit over the next four years. Canada has seen that cliff before in the disastrous legacy of Justin Trudeau’s father.

Islamophobia, my hairy infidel arse!

Oh look... a couple of Ralph Goodale's homegrown Nazis...

A man has been arrested in the vandalism of a Jewish structure in Georgina over the weekend. Saeed Ahmad, 35, was arrested Tuesday and is charged with mischief in relation to religious property.

The same individual had posted a photo of Hitler and of a man wielding a sword on the Jewish centre’s Google page.

AND THEN THERE'S THIS:

York Regional Police say Umair Ahmad Qurashi, 33, drove by and yelled a homophobic slur at the victim. He then hit the victim and broke his phone before fleeing the area.

The Usual, well... you know...

Police say the two were on the main floor of a house on Conron Place, located in the area of Weston Road and Lawrence Avenue West, at around 12:40 a.m. when two masked suspects started shooting at the residence.

Stop 'em? They can't even disarm them.

UPDATE: It gets better... by which I mean worse...

It turns out the handcuffed suspect with the gun in the back of the police car not only had previous weapons convictions, but was subject to a lifetime firearms ban!

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UPDATE2: Let's investigate who embarrassed the cops...

Saunders said the release of the video will also be part of the internal probe, describing the leak as a “clear breach of protocol and procedure.”

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REMEMBER BACK YOU WERE A KID AND PEOPLE MURDERED ALL THOSE GRANNIES?

Yeah, me neither.

Stella Tetsos, 82 was murdered in November 2015 by violent burglar Sinbad Kingsimba Marshall who ransacked her modest Scarborough bungalow.

Fuck Cancel Culture

“The First Amendment is first for a reason. The Second Amendment is just in case the first one doesn’t work out.”

Well, Abu... the Great Satan Trump..."

"...is running away... I guess it's Miller Time"...RELATED: Smell that "professional" journalism

Washington Post describes al-Baghdadi as “austere religious scholar.”**********

LAST WORD: Shorter President Trump...

"Well, guys... we didn't bring all these Hellfires all the way to the Middle East just to hump 'em all the way home."

Meanwhile... I can't even get...

...a family physician...

The taxpayer-funded program offers counselling and up to $15,000 to help defeated MPs transition from the House of Commons back to the civilian world.

Not anticipating any real problems

Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) is proposing a $10 billion federal program to help former convicts work in the marijuana industry.

Can't wait for his "Hire Syrian Imams to straighten out chaotic women's shelters" program.

Dessert, anyone?

POTUS posts secret recipe for... "Ragu al-Baghdadi"...Yeah... we're pulling out all our troops...nudge, nudge, wink, wink...

Trump said al-Baghdadi was “whimpering and crying and screaming all the way” and commended the U.S. forces that successfully carried out the operation.

“He died like a dog, he died like a coward.”

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REMEMBERING NATHAN CIRILLO:

"This term 'lone wolf' is a cop-out...the idea that they somehow have to have a membership card in Islamic State or in al Qaeda for it to be official, fully-credentialed terror, like getting a hairdresser's license in New York State, is completely preposterous."

Brave New Fantasy World

You can be whatever you want to be...

NEW YORK, NY—In an inspiring story from the world of professional cycling, a motorcyclist who identifies as a bicyclist has crushed all the regular bicyclists, setting an unbelievable world record.

Professional motorcycle racer Judd E. Banner, the brave trans-vehicle rider, was allowed to race after he told league organizers he's always felt like a bicyclist in a motorcyclist's body.

C'est What?

Now you're just being "Le Dickhead"...

Federal employees write too many English emails, says Official Languages Commissioner Raymond Théberge.

It gets better... by which I mean worse.

Sometimes I really miss...

...my 10 year-old self...

"The Internet has made us all proctologists."

Seems a little harsh, bro...

...are we sure he was just stealing them?

"One of the last times Iran cut someone’s fingers off was in January 2018, when a 34-year-old was found guilty of 'stealing' sheep, the BBC reports."

And speaking of cutting bits off people...

An estimated 6,000 women and girls in Ireland have had their genitals mutilated, and experts warn that another 3,000 girls are currently at risk.

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MEANWHILE BACK AT THE RANCH:

Peel police have identified the 26-year-old shot and killed Tuesday night in Mississauga as Mario Ibrahim. “The victim was seated in a vehicle when the suspect walked up to the vehicle and fired several bullets."

The shooting came after another two hours earlier, this one near Derry Rd. and Hwy. 401, which left a man dead and a man and a woman injured.

But wait... there's more...

On Thursday, October 24, 2019, two men, Babatunji Fasoranti, 18, of Vaughan and Jahvon Powell, 18, Toronto were placed under arrest.

And yet again.

It worked for Justin Trudeau

Bread, circuses and sweet, sweet Morpheus...

Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) on Thursday unveiled his proposal to legalize marijuana nationwide at precisely 4:20 p.m. EST — an homage to what has been dubbed “Weed Day.”

A little thing we like to call...

..."Natural Selection"...

"The now-deceased men, Mark Williams and Mark Selkirk, died from liver disease related to their alcohol consumption. Both were denied potentially life-saving transplants based on their drinking habits."

Mother Nature strengthens the gene by culling the halt, the lame and the dumbasses...

"We're not sure that he died from the deer. It could have been other medical issues. It's my understanding there's not going to be an autopsy."

He will live on forever in song and unkind limericks.

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RELATED: Nerfing the World

Diversity is our... sweet baby jebus...

Not sure what freaks me out more... the guy who actually eats the bear dicks... or the allegedly elite eco-swat team that spent six long years on his trail...

An Indian man, only identified as "Yarlen," was arrested Saturday after police allege that he cut off and ate sloth bear genitalia in an effort to boost his sex drive.

"We created a special cell to track him down and arrest him," the Madhya Pradesh Forest Department told the BBC. "It was our longest chase, it went on for six years."

If it only saves one ursine penis.

Use a Gun... You're Done...

...unless you live in Toronto...

Under bail reforms brought in by former premier Kathleen Wynne, about 90% of people before the courts are granted bail and as Toronto Police Chief Mark Saunders has complained, many are back committing gun crimes within days.

Need an example?

Two years ago, he was convicted of possession of a firearm and received time served — 45 days pre-sentence custody — and a $10 fine. A social media posting for Ming lists him as a “marketing co-ordinator.”

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A WONDERFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD:

One person was seriously injured in a midtown shooting at Vaughan Road and Oakwood Avenue on Thursday night.

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RELATED: Wait... you're bringing him back here?

Police have confirmed Ibrahim Issak-Hussen, wanted in a fatal shooting in Hamilton boarded a flight from Toronto to Ethiopia on Sunday morning.

The Prime Minister's Office was...

...unavailable for comment...

Bed Bath & Beyond has removed pumpkins painted black with white mouths following complaints they were offensive because they resembled blackface.

Law firm partner Mary Marzolla says the pumpkins were never meant to offend anyone and the firm represents people "of all colours and faiths."

What can happen when you only...

...have one book...

He swung the axe, striking the victim in the ribs, instantly breaking them and puncturing one of his lungs. He then lifted the weapon high into the air and brought it down in the direction of the victim’s head, but the victim put his arm up to protect himself.

Unfortunately, the axe came down with such force that it almost chopped his hand off, leaving him with life changing injuries.

This happened, not as you might expect, in the disputed "Tribal Homelands" between India & Pakistan... but in Rochdale, UK.

THINK IT COULDN'T HAPPEN HERE?

THINK AGAIN...

"Mohamad Rafia, a Syrian refugee told a Fredericton court that he didn’t know it was a crime in Canada to beat your wife with a hockey stick for half an hour."

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BREAKING: Diversity is our streng... say what?

Police in Hamilton have charged three men, including the son of owners of a Toronto Syrian restaurant, after a protest outside a People’s Party of Canada event in Hamilton last month.

Alaa Alsoufi, a Syrian migrant whose parents own Soufi’s restaurant on Queen Street West, is one of the people who blocked the elderly woman from entering.

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LAST WORD: The value of human life

CANADA: SELF DEFENSE WITH A FIREARM...

...IT ONLY WORKS IF YOU'RE A 'PROTECTED' MINORITY'...

“All of the individuals who had commenced the attack were running away,” Forestell said. “R.S. knew that they were running away. He testified to that effect."

"He no longer faced an imminent threat of force.”

But, hey... special laws for special people...

The Appeal Court also said it would not be in the interests of justice to prosecute R.S. again for something that happened seven years ago.

You don't remember this one?

• TORONTO • A 17-year-old known as “Greezy” is sought for the slaying of another young man in the city’s west end a week ago.

RELAX, PLENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM:

"One person is dead and two others have been critically injured after a shooting in Mississauga at Highway 401 and Derry Road on Tuesday night."

And...

A man was fatally shot inside a vehicle on Webb Drive between Confederation Street and Duke of York Boulevard in Mississauga late Tuesday night. Officers have not released a description of the gunman.

No shortage of urban assassins, trust me.

LAST WORD: Special laws for special peopleOh, c'mon now... it's not like these thugs were trying to burn down this guy's hou... sweet baby jebus.

Back in the saddle, again

Friends in low places...

"Stocks for the scandal-ridden Quebec-based engineering and construction company SNC-Lavalin Group Inc. surged by nearly 15 percent on the morning after Justin Trudeau’s re-election to a Liberal minority government."

Dear PMO, don't break out the bubbly just yet...

Had the Liberals maintained their majority, they might have hoped to keep some sort of a lid on SNC/Lavalin, give or take an RCMP investigation.

But without a majority, the opposition will now control all the committees, and can call whatever witnesses they like.

"If Hillary Clinton had won the election..."

..."in 2016 or even, frankly, in 2008... the #MeToo movement never would have occurred," she said. "It was only after her loss that that facade was removed, that that foundation of protection for certain people ended."

"Maybe Weinstein would be in the cabinet. Maybe he'd be running the Corporation for Public Broadcasting."

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RELATED: A lyin' old lady who faints a lot...

Rep. Lee Zeldin said Tuesday that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton needs to "see a psychiatrist" after her comments about 2020 presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard.

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LAST WORD: The Bitch of Benghazi

Oh Canada...

...what did you do last night?

“I have heard you my friends, you are sending our Liberal team back to work, back to Ottawa with a clear mandate.”

Hmmm... that seems a little (I'm feeling charitable) ingenuous for a guy who can't take a legislative wiz without consulting the Dippers...

NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh’s party won enough seats to back Trudeau in votes and signaled a willingness to do so.

Uh, Justin... here's your mandate...

The Liberals won with the lowest share of the popular vote -- currently at 33% -- for any governing party in the nation’s history.

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THE WISDOM OF THE ELECTORATE:

"Seriously. Dominic Leblanc won in Shediac and never once showed up in his riding to campaign. He is in a Quebec hospital with cancer, not even in a hospital in his home province?

I mean talk about sheep and reflex voting!"

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RELATED: The dominoes start to fall...

Patch rumor mill yesterday was if the election didn't go favorably, Husky would downsize 30%. Turns out it was more than water cooler talk.

Now let me guess...

...secured in a high tech vault at SNC/Lavalin...

Their names? That's not important...

...says suckass politically correct Canadian media...

"A man is in hospital in life-threatening condition after four people allegedly beat and forced him into a car in Etobicoke, Toronto police say. Images from the scene show blood splattered in the backseat of the car."

Following a search of the area, police arrested three of the four suspects, Hopkinson said.

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RELATED: The Usual, well... you know

Detectives investigating Homicide #51, the murder of Amir Naraine, have released security camera footage of two people they want to identify.

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MEANWHILE JUST DOWN THE ROAD:

Hamilton cops are hunting Ibrahim Issak-Hussen, who goes by the street name of “Seemo,” for first-degree murder in the weekend killing of a 29-year-old man outside a city pool hall.

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LAST WORD: No gun... no problem...

One man has been rushed to hospital with serious injuries following a stabbing inside a food court in North York. The incident occurred near Four Winds Drive and Sentinel Road.

Quote of the Week

"Eventually, but also with absolute certainty, Canada is a country, where you will legally be required... TO WAX THAT LADY'S BALLS."

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RELATED: You've come a wrong way, baby!

Transgender Cyclist Rachel McKinnon continues to smash women’s cycling records, the latest being a “world record” in the women’s 200m sprint.

I'm so old, I remember separation of...

...Church and State...

The Canadian Muslim Vote’s “Muslim Vote Weekend” Brings Muslims to Advance Polls in 64 Ridings, Including 20 “Toss Up” Races.

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RELATED: When cultures collide...

Canadian Sheikh Younus Kathrada stated... "Allah will ask them on Judgment Day why they voted for 'filthy non-Muslims' who approve of homosexuality."

And there's this...

Bangladesh’s leading newspapers said that in addition to those killed, over 100 people were injured in the incident.

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LAST WORD: Think it couldn't happen here?

"The size of the minority seems less important than their level of motivation."

Remember back... you were a kid...

...and bodies were constantly dropping all over the place?

YEAH, ME NEITHER.

Toronto • "A 36-year-old man who was critically injured following a shooting in the area of Windermere Avenue and Swansea Mews on Saturday night has died in hospital, Toronto police say."

Swansea Mews... that sounds so familiar.

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UPDATE: The Usual, well... you know

Tresor Tresor Kininga, 36, of Toronto was identified as the victim.

Those damn Mormons

A man is in serious condition in hospital after he was shot multiple times in Etobicoke early on Saturday morning. Officers say no suspect information was available.

And...

Toronto police are investigating after two people showed up at separate hospitals with gunshot wounds on Friday night.

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WHO'S SHOOTING WHO? WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT:

“I think that kind of talk about sort of, you know, where this all arises from, or sort of who’s to blame, is not very constructive,” Toronto Mayor John Tory told reporters in Nathan Phillips Square.

What a coward.

How quickly we forget

Nobody defeated Hitler by glueing themselves to a commuter train...

Best known for manufacturing sewing machines, Singer produced a handful of .45s on the eve of World War II, and their guns were so good the U.S. Military asked the company to build more complicated equipment instead.

In December 2017, a Singer 1911 sold at auction for an eye-popping $414,000, one of the highest prices ever paid at auction for a handgun.

Diversity is our streng...

...sweet baby jebus...

Imagine the media outrage...

...if Donald Trump said something complimentary about Canadian Conservatives...

Trudeau did not directly answer when asked if he or anyone on his campaign sought the Obama endorsement, according to the Canadian Press.

Sought, wheedled, begged... ...why can't Justin Trudeau ever just answer a simple question?

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RELATED: Friends in low places...

"The Obama administration allowed Hunter Biden to continue serving on Burisma Holdings’ board of directors although it knew the company was corrupt."

Homicide Squad reportedly rounding up...

...local farmers, hunters & skeet shooters...

A 30-year-old man has died in hospital after a shooting at Steeles Avenue East and Don Mills Road around 7:30 p.m. Multiple shooters have fled the scene, investigators said.

THOSE CRAZY HOMICIDAL CANADIANS:

"Investigators have identified 30-year-old Michael Huynh as the man shot to death at 4005 Don Mills Road on Thursday night."

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UPDATE: High School ballistics...

Shortly after 2:30 p.m., emergency crews were called to Oakwood Collegiate at the intersection of Oakwood Ave. and St. Clair Ave. W. for reports of gunshots.

Oakwood, Oakwood... that sounds so familiar.

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RELATED: One for the ladies...

Eunice Illunga, 44, the accused ringleader, 39-year-old Sandrine Tomba-Kalema and 29-year old Safi Mahinja were found guilty of breaking and entering, forcible confinement, kidnapping and sexual assault.

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LAST WORD: The GTA... she's a hoppin' place

“Detectives have arrested 23-year-old Dazel Henry, of Brampton, and charged him with first-degree murder”

"Field of Folk" finally decide...

...they're as 'woke' as they wanna be...

"Angry Londoners furious at having their lives disrupted dragged ‘Extinction Rebellion’ climate change protesters from the roof of a train this morning."

You really want to save the world?Target these eco-criminals...

The study, published in the journal Environmental Science & Technology, said that by cutting plastic pollution in the Yangtze River — the third-longest in the world and located in China — and the Ganges River, located in India, ocean pollution could be reduced by half.

The Immaculate Impeachment

The lunatic left marches defiantly on...

“Pelosi seems to believe that she can hold a press conference and expect courts to accept that a formal impeachment process has begun,” George Washington University Law Professor Jonathan Turley wrote in a Wednesday morning blog post.

Not too different from Ralph Goodale & Justin Trudeau attempting to associate anyone on the right side of the political fence with the Nazis.

Target farmers, hunters & skeet shooters...

...but this violent felon gets the benefit of the doubt?

Peter Aiken, 27, fired an illegal handgun five times at two Peel Regional Police officers in 2016 and a Judge imposed a sentence that could see the man free in a year.

"I find I am left in a reasonable doubt about whether Mr. Aiken, in all the circumstances of this case, had that requisite intention to kill," said Justice Paul Currie.

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RELATED: Hmmm... smells like a clue to me...

"Three-hundred and twenty six people charged with firearms offences are free on bail in Toronto today, Chief Mark Saunders revealed Friday as he seeks to redistribute blame for the sudden increase in gun violence in the city over the last seven days."

TIME TRAVEL WITH ME:

“In 2003, Dalton McGuinty promised to build safe communities,” one of the advertisements states. “But last year in Toronto, seven out of ten people charged with murder were out on bail or probation when those murders were committed.”

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LAST WORD: The Usual, well... you know...

An 87-year-old woman was brutally assaulted on Brunswick Ave., south of Bloor St. W., in a street robbery on Monday afternoon, Toronto Police say.

The man attacked her from behind, throwing her to the ground and stealing her belongings.

Justin's "post national" state

Apparently, the Jihadis "will balance themselves"...

Although the federal government has called prosecuting Canadians involved in terrorism “our top priority,” it has yet to bring any ISIS suspects caught in Syria to justice.

Surprise, surprise.

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YOU NEVER MEET A HUMAN TRAFFICKER NAMED BOB:

Investigators then identified Jonathan Nyangwila, 28, of Markham, as the alleged ringleader of a sophisticated crime group that pimped women out in provinces from Quebec to British Columbia.

Nyangwila, aka Zoulou or Skulls, faces dozens of charges.

"Welcome aboard Earthlings..."

"...and anyone traveling from other Planets"...Let's just rename it Air Cannabis and move on.

Justin wants to ban AR15 rifles...

...which have killed absolutely no one in Canada... ever...

Every day, on average, up to four Canadians are killed in an alcohol and/or drug-related motor vehicle crash and hundreds more are injured.

Approximately 65,000 Canadians are impacted by impaired drivers annually.

Remind me again, who legalised dope? Are you still drinking the Liberal Koolade?

Speaking of book burning & such...

“An old professor of mine once told me that artists are supposed to be fearless, but when I’m reading these emails from these gatekeepers, I’m thinking, ‘Man, you people should go work for the government or something.’”

"Erdogan’s Hostages"

Talk about going out with a bang...

Over the weekend, State and Energy Department officials were quietly reviewing plans for evacuating roughly 50 tactical nuclear weapons that the United States had long stored, under American control, at Incirlik Air Base in Turkey, about 250 miles from the Syrian border.

“I think this is a first — a country with U.S. nuclear weapons stationed in it literally firing artillery at US forces,” Jeffrey Lewis of the James Martin Center for Nonproliferation Studies wrote last week.

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RELATED: Imagine All the People...

A few days ago, French writer and philosopher Alain Finkielkraut said that suggesting that "Islamophobia is the equivalent of yesterday's anti-Semitism" is scandalous.

He said that "Muslims do not risk extermination" and that "no one should deny that today's anti-Semitism is Arab Muslim anti-Semitism."

He added that France is moving from a "muzzled press to a muzzling press that destroys free speech."

Those death-dealing Canadians

Diversity is our streng... sweet baby jebus...

BANGKOK — The largest ever task force assembled to fight organized crime in Asia has identified a long-time drug trafficker, China-born Canadian national, Tse Chi Lop, 55, who formerly lived in Toronto, as the suspected kingpin of a crime syndicate that police say dominates the $70 billion-a-year Asia-Pacific drug trade.

Smell the "professional" journalism

And Walter Cronkite wept...

The footage, which ABC News purported was of an attack on the border town of Tal Abyad, was aired Sunday on World News Tonight and Good Morning America on Monday morning.

However, a comparison by Gizmodo shows the video was captured at Knob Creek Gun Range in West Point, Kentucky back in 2017.

Notorious "Northwest end" of Toronto...

...yet again...

The homicide unit is investigating after a male was shot to death early Monday morning in north Etobicoke at Jamestown Crescent and John Garland Boulevard at around 12:30 a.m. There’s no word yet on suspects.

Yup... that northwest end.

UPDATE: Farhan Jama, 28, was pronounced dead on scene.

According to police, 20 casings were recovered from the scene and they believe there are multiple shooters.

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MEANWHILE BACK IN LITTLE JAMAICA:

Two women are injured after being shot outside of Greens Bar and Restaurant at Oakwood Avenue and Vaughan Road, right before 2:30 a.m. earlier this morning. There is one suspect and police say that he is a black man armed with a gun.

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RELATED: It's not a murder per se...

...just a "deadly assault."

They arrested Peter last week. Now they've scooped up Fantasia and O’Neil.

Of course, they're still looking for Corey...