"No more. The bigotry stops today."

"We are very sorry to all the crack---er, I mean, Caucasians we have hurt over the years," said a spokesperson.

"Cracker is an offensive stereotype, and we must make sure that all foods and snack products are culturally sensitive."

AIRBRUSHING THE POLITBURO:

"Erasing the legacy of Nancy Green, a freed slave who had a long career with the Quaker Oats company as a storyteller, actress, and singer."