17 June 2019

Hey, dummies...

...it's a game played exclusively by multi-millionaire celebrities who have no connection whatsoever to your lives or your dreams...
In January, Kawhi Leonard reportedly bought a $13-million mansion in San Diego.
Some other obscenely wealthy men are about to offer him 190 million dollars over five years to stuff more balls in Toronto.insert alt text hereWhat's the big deal here?

This is a bunch of freakishly tall people who stuff a ball through a hoop. Buying a hundred dollar hoodie doesn't mean you're on the team or that Kawhi is your bro. Is your life that devoid of meaning?

Meanwhile, the entire downtown area is paralysed. Not a good day to have a heart attack or any sort of medical emergency, or gawds forbid your house catches fire.

The potential for mob violence has also gone through the stratosphere. If even a fraction of this crowd becomes panic-stricken, for whatever reason, thousands of people could be trampled.

Good luck, Hogtown.

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UPDATE: What could possibly go wrong?insert alt text here
"Raptors parade runs late, descends into chaos with overcrowding. The parade was temporarily halted at the square due to safety concerns, and fans were told to get down from the arches."
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UPDATE2: 15:55 Friend just texted me...

...reports of shots fired at Raptors celebration... people running along Bay St. Nothing on the web just yet.

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UPDATE3: Confirmed. One woman shot... so far.insert alt text hereOops... looks like two people shot... but don't worry,
Drake's got this...
"The championship parade continued after the shooting -- with Drake taking the stage and telling the reported 1.5 MILLION people in the streets to hug each other and spread love."
Problemo solved.

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UPDATE4: No gun... no problem...
Four people have been taken to hospital following two reported stabbing incidents as hundreds of thousands of people crowded the area to cheer on the Toronto Raptors as part of an NBA Championship victory parade.
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UPDATE5: The bodycount grows...
Four people were injured after gunfire broke out at Nathan Phillips Square during a massive celebration for the Raptors Monday afternoon.

There were multiple reports of gunshots and stampeding at around 3:45 p.m.
Four shot... four stabbed... and the night is yet young.

Disband the Raptors and confiscate all basketballs. #IfItOnlySavesOneLife.